So I finished reading 梦里花落知多少, I have to say 郭敬明 is a formidable writer. People say he copies, and I haven't read the "book he copied from" yet, but I don't really care, I think he's a really talented writer, and I can't achieve his height in at least three years.
梦 is a very torturing read, to say the least. My first impression of the story is that it's so fucking superficial, life is not just about relationship and breaking up for the most trivial reasons, it feels fussy and empty. But slowly I was sucked into the book, i was sucked in to the main characters' lives. So many parts of the story felt so familiar. I feel like, that is the kind of life I wanna lead, life in China with friends of life. The second part of the book became too dark, that I have no courage to read it again. I love the main characters, I see parts of my brothers and sisters on them, and I don't wanna see them suffer.
When Guo, well kinda funny cuz it's my freaking family name too, analyzes Lin Lan's character at the end, he says she's the kinda person who lives for others, she's scared to face herself, to think for herself. That's very me. And that's a very very contradictory statement, and I don't think he understands it either.
I'm confused. I'm not brilliant enough to understand myself.

leaving skool guoyandao at 7:56 AM [comment] (0)

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In Amsterdam now, been hanging out alone, because I guess I'm not brave enough to walk up to one group of strangers and hang out with them, that's the point of backpacking I guess, to challenge we in stretching my limits. But the good thing is, I've started to appreciate hanging out with myself, so this is another important step towards independence.
Alright so far I sounded like I din't really enjoy myself. I did! I had a blast in Germany, it was the perfect start of a eurotrip. Amsterdam has been an amazing city, and I've seen some of the craziest things. I tried a 'brownie', but I was too cautious I ate it half half so I din't get high. Wasted 6 fucking euros.
I miss my friends though, friends I made in US, terribly.
I'm gonna head out and hopefully do some other crazy thing tonight, I'll put my travel log online when I have time to finish them, or rather, start them. I'd never imagine that there's wireless internet in this small shady hostel. Haha. Oh Well.

leaving skool guoyandao at 1:13 PM [comment] (0)

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In Europe now. Chilling and feelin' amazing.

leaving skool guoyandao at 4:08 PM [comment] (0)

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高雯有一个美女朋友，好像法号叫做牛。看过她的照片，真是水灵啊，但是我并没觉得怎么。直到几天前五一中路过了她的blog，看见她写的诗，这才惊为天人。原来这个世上还真有写诗写得比我好一万倍的人。
现在出于对素昧平生的牛同学的滔滔不绝的敬仰，冒死写诗一首。

春天的摇摆

我顶着春天杏花的风在四月里向你摇摆
因为我看见你紧闭双唇
神情羞涩，于是
我轻率的断定我们都同时被上古的咒语击中
虚无缥缈的千年情缘
若隐若现的附上了我身
不久之后这绯红的世界让我失魂落魄

你的身影在漫天的樱花里向我摇摆
忽远忽近的笑容飘到我的河边
今年春汛我看得见
今年的柳絮像大雪降落到我面前
我双手合十喃喃自语念诵古怪的咒语
我又是一个浪漫的疯子烂醉的诗人

你告诉我夏天来时我将停止摇摆
这是一个错误的青春期的白日梦想
春天是一场自我暗示的巨大幻象
今年的春汛没能赶上你的花开
但我说让我继续肆无忌惮的摇摆
让我唱着扭曲潮湿的歌曲大声摇摆
让我倒在春天的落英中尽情摇摆
让我跳完蹩脚的舞蹈
让我接着在春天的影子里摇摆

leaving skool guoyandao at 9:02 PM [comment] (0)

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I surfed the internet for an entire day today, dunno what I did, I thought I was doing visa research but in the end this research has come to no conclusion. The only thing I could remember is comforting Liang Lan online, relationship sounds complicated, intricate, difficult, pressurizing, bleh, but still I'm looking forward to it. C'mon relationship, come and torture me, come and kill me. I din't even hang out with the fraternity brothers upstairs. I'm stuck in a post-post-final-post-departure-with-friends syndrome. Hope I can get out of it when I wake up tmr.
I saw a BBS post discussing 淞沪会战, one of the most brutal battles during the anti-Japan war, and I never respected these soldiers so much before. I stared at their photos in silence and saluted them in my heart, they're all true heroes. I wanna be a man who fights to defend his country.
There's this thought that suddenly came to my mind, diplomacy is complicated too, almost as complicated as relationship, in diplomacy, every country is trying to outpace other countries, take advantage of other countries, get the best out of the deals with other countries or even crush other countries. Drawing a parallel to the human relationship, aren't we just like those countries? I'm like the nicest and stupidest country in the world. Haha, so the lesson is, dealing with people that ain't your homeies is like diplomacy, dude you can't be too nice or Japan will invade you, europeans will rob you and Taiwan will betray you.

leaving skool guoyandao at 8:49 PM [comment] (0)

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时间凌晨五点，地点我的小房间里，最后一篇坐在这张桌子前的blog。刚刚收拾完东西，并且重操女红伟大的补了两个饱。我尽一点也没有疲倦的感觉，只是坐在电脑前，听着Lisa Ono,平时不大听的音乐，现在放只是为了营造一些浪漫的意境，旁边的刘羽已在Bossa Nova的鼓点中沉沉睡去，明天他醒来我们将各奔东西，明天他醒来我们将第一次也最后一次在这件凌乱得亲切的小屋里拥抱，告别，珍重。明年将各有新的室友，新的生活。多年以来陌生了的伤感情绪在这时他妈的涌上心头。
我知道我伤感的不是和刘羽的道别，我伤感的是那逝去的在这凌乱的小屋里在这别扭的小桌前昏黄的灯光下度过的那一个个难忘的夜晚。心疼，欢喜，期待，失落，郁闷，开怀。回首一望，也不过两个月不到的时间，这两个月不到的时间我经历的比过去两年还丰富。发生了那么多那么多的事，像海潮翻涌般的溢上心头。细细回味，虽然伤感的时间占了多数，但在我心头萦绕的还是那些最最美丽的回忆，美得像春天，美得像16岁。那时候的我诗意盎然，意气风发。
这些手指传达心头的颤抖，拼命破译屏幕上的文字，长聊到4点的每一个清晨，以及之后的烦恼或甜美睡眠，这些记忆，终将离我远去，我终将成长。但我想，就永远这么青涩惘懂下去，永远活在甜蜜与心疼交织的日子里，也是很幸福的一件事情。
现在还不是酸的时候，但我要说，我犯了一个又一个错误，但我不后悔。我不为青春后悔。一切的一切，都是值得的。

leaving skool guoyandao at 1:52 AM [comment] (1)

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I'm so fucking lazy.

leaving skool guoyandao at 1:51 PM [comment] (0)

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So I discovered another piece of truth today, that good finals planning strategy should involve a good night's sleep before the exams. I felt like today's French was like a dream, I din't even remember how I finished it. Legal studies was like, okay legal studies was just like a normal exam with a few yawns, but you get my point.
I'm supposed to be in the shittiest stage of my life now, but I'm feeling quite happy and satisfied, so either I've become an idiot now, or I've become a sage. Both work out fine for me.
I think Robbie Williams is very gay, but one of his songs was actually very moving and inspiring, gays straight guys alike.
Move me, shock me, break me, wake me.

leaving skool guoyandao at 11:33 AM [comment] (0)

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我这个人很少服别人批评我。心高气傲。但前天晚上高雯说我说得一语中的，她说我说话不上道。
服了。

leaving skool guoyandao at 1:09 PM [comment] (0)

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