Come As You Are

2005-07-12T17:14:00.000-07:00

理智

仔细聆听后也许你会发现
这美妙的爵士乐，虽然自由不羁
但掺杂了不和谐的音符
仿佛在晚春池塘边乱开的野花
站在哲学的高度也许你就能看清世界的面目

研究佛学的朋友告诉你说
一笑一嗔，皆是空幻
把干干净净的躯壳还给灵魂
一切烦恼都是响应欲望的召唤

这是你的宿命：辨清肤浅和单纯
十字路口的转弯需要抉择
要么光着身子跳进大海享受赤裸的温暖
要么穿起袈裟在人海里安静化缘
理智在心里封的咒你曾以为永不会念起
但是如今的你，火车上流浪迷茫的你
已经无法回避下一站要不要换车的问题

2005-07-12T17:13:00.000-07:00

我的窗外

我的窗外是一片法国小镇的房屋
零零落落的铺在眼前
青石板上一条羊肠小道
通往让我陌生的狂欢

我的窗外白天盛满阳光
晚上有一两点星斗
还有我的简简单单的小屋
在尖的阁楼上包裹着我
这就是我
在异国的土地上全部温暖

我的窗外有六月摇曳的风
和无尽的想象
这一片整齐的风景
和偶尔漏进来的轻盈飞虫
它们围绕着我
仿佛关于你的所有记忆
我的窗外没有我曾经迷恋的声音
只有轻柔的节拍让我凝视
让我试图终结迷失
我曾经以为出走可以让我成为
沧桑的男人
如今还有四十天
我的短暂的停泊
这个小小的窗外
请接纳我所有残留的叹息

2005-07-12T17:12:00.000-07:00

六月

六月会到来
我会沉稳的抓住我的剃须刀
理平我不再年轻的脸庞上的一切风霜
我将跋山涉水来到你面前
挺起胸脯像我的父亲
我会向你讲述我路过的城市，酒吧，爱情
我曾经梦想过的无边的麦田和河流
六月的天空会苍茫
大雁将掠过我们的头顶
大地上的一切生命都会丰盛
所有的苦难，困惑，悲伤
都会随海水奔流而去
仿佛我们眼前的风
六月会到来
我会回到你和你们的身边
我们会喝酒并且凝视彼此的眼睛
这季节的预言会应验
我们会拥有成熟的思想和灵魂

5。27晚于Tours, 读完梦里花落知多少后

2005-07-12T17:08:00.000-07:00

I've written some little craps during the stay in France, sharing with everyone here.

Journal 6/11

今天我发现我其实真的有点长大了，这半个月的独自旅行让我成熟了一点。以前我如果提出一个提议无人响应，我肯定不会自己一个人去。但我今天想，也许自己去也挺好的。独立是成熟的标志。不需要别人也能快乐是成熟的标志。
和帅气的alex走在那家网吧的门前，有一个非常青春可爱的法国女孩子主动勾引他，把脚伸到他面前想绊他，这傻小子身在福中不知福，还是我提醒他，yo dude you've just been hit on. 他一回头，那个女孩子对他招招手，灿烂一笑。于是我就不高兴了，他妈的我这辈子是没有被hit on的机会了。我就好好对我喜欢的女孩子吧。
人总是要有点passion的，我今天写了两首简单没什么新意的歌，希望这能成为我持之以恒的passion.
法国女孩子都很美丽，五官有一种说不出的精致，宛如赛茵河畔的风景，不是那么惊艳，却让人久久寻味。我经常可以走在路上看见漂亮得让人颤抖的女孩子。法国男人都很瘦，让人觉得他们都很文气，有一种阴郁的艺术气质。

JOurnal 7/8

这么多城市的建筑里面我最喜欢巴塞罗那。这个城市大概有很多才华横溢的建筑设计师，特别是高地，真是一个天大的惊喜。看他的天马行空奇思怪想从大自然中汲取灵感常常让人联想起昆虫的建筑感到一种不可思议的艺术美感的爆炸。这是一个天才，巴塞罗那美丽的最大缔造者，我现在狂热喜爱的艺术大师。他与他的同行们把这个城市的风景点缀得美丽无比。走在巴塞罗那的大街上，放眼望去，每一座建筑物都比上一座更有魅力。
站在瑰丽奇绝的Sagrada Familia的两座钟楼之间的穹桥上望着整个城市，大海一样漫过的忧伤。我真想快点长大，快点不受这些脆弱的忧伤困扰。

2005-07-12T17:05:00.000-07:00

Day 11, May 22, Sunday, Paris
Today another person joins our trip. Her name is Lifang, she's from NUS, she's from Ji Lin in China, and she's cute and funny. Jesse thought she was cute, too, haha. So it was good. We went to the Notre Dame again, but it was open when we went there, so we went in and the interior of Notre Dame was just as amazing as its outside. The grand, majestic Gothic ceiling with its flower-lie arcs was astonishing on the first look. There were also numerous chapels, sculptures and paintings all around the cathedral. I wanted to take a photo of the gorgeous altar during the breaks of service, but I got caught red-handed haha.
We spent about two hours inside, then we went to eat. I had chocolate crepes it was good but too little. If you want to have a filling meal of crepes in Paris, you're gonna spend about 20 bucks. Then we headed down to the Pantheon, it was too expensive to get in. Why would we pay 6 bucks to see dead people, even if they're Victor Hugo? I wanted to head down to Louvre but lifang reminded me that we probably only got 3 hours left for Louvre. So we changed to Centre Pompidou. These guys sat down with some Pakistan portrait painters and had them draw a caricature for them. So I waited for them and got dragged by another Pakistan 'artist', he told me he was gonna draw for himself, I knew it wasn't true but sat down anyway. So he drew an ugly caricature for me, his standard is only like slightly higher than me. Haha. So he offered to sell me the thing at the end, and I turned him down. My sympathy almost overwelmed my sense when he told me he got no job and no house. Then we saw our biggest discovery of the day(well kinda sad that it was the biggest), it was three Mongolian musicians performing Mongolian music. The lead singer looked exactly like Wang Huajia, it was fucking hilarious. But I was amazed by their music, the raw and simple chords together with the coarse, almost unbelievable voice had a very fresh power. I wanted to see Pompidou but it happened that the Picasso section, obviously the most attractive part, was under renovation. But the center itself was a pretty amazing piece of artwork with its red tube and almost totally transparent exterior.
At night we watched Shao Lin Shi, haha. It was so good. But the DVD had some quality problem and we couldn't finish it. Damn!
So that was about my first eurotrip, well not that juicy or exciting but I loved it.
That night I reached the hotel I paid for at like 1130, the silly Chinese boy at the counter didn't let me in, well he was stupid but my lousy French was probably a problem too. Luckily Karina appeared and it was soon settled. The next morning I went down to the flea market, the jeans there were so freaking expensive I hated it. And my excellent bargain skill din't work. I spoiled a con artist's dirty trick, he hated me, I couldn't figure out how he did the trick though. Oh well.

2005-07-12T17:04:00.001-07:00

Day 10, May 21, Saturday, Paris
Today was memorable, I saw the Eiffel Tower, Arc of Triumph, Hotel des invalides, Grand and Petit Palais, Place de Concorde Hotel de Ville and Notre Dame. But there are just too many things to see in Paris, Paris is worth a week's stay.
Luckily, I spent my entire day with a Canadian guy called Jesse. He just randomly picked me up at the table when I was just about to head out. Fortunately he's a very very very nice guy, and he does Martial Arts!! He even goes to National Competition, how cool is that. Well I kinda went to a Martial Arts National Competition too, but that was an embarrasing history, haha. He likes taking photos, too. So we soon became the perfect photo buddies for each other. He loves looking up and doing this silly serious expression, which looked really dumb at first. But somehow I discovered that when I tried to squeeze out a smile for a photo, not to mention suppressing the stupid impulse of doing a V sign, I only looked fifty one times dumber. So now I've adopted Jesse's pose for every picture I take.
As we walked down, across and around the Avenue des Champs Elysees, we came to Seine river and were astounded by its beauty. Paris is like, just go to Seine river in the downtown section, point your camera anywhere and you got a poster card made: it is that nice. Our first destination was Hotel des invalides, a majestic hall built for the "invalides": the disabled French veterans. There were countless weapons, mainly canons, displayed all over the place. Jesse knew about the weapons while I was an idiot. But it was quite a sight. The French mob in the revolution invaded this place and grabbed all the rifles they could find before they headed down to Versailles to chop down Louis XVI's head. The little eglise was beautiful too, it was there where I learnt about the huge organ to be found in every subsequent eglise I've been to.
Then we spent almost the entire afternoon on the Eiffel Tower. I must admit, the first time I saw the Eiffel Tower at a close-up distance, I was literally excited. It looked ten thousand times more magnificent then on the thousands of photos I've seen before. It was just undescribably beautiful. Jesse and moi climbed onto the tower, and when I started going up I felt a little bit of adrenline rush as I was about to go up to a height I've not reached in a long time. There are basically three levels on the Eiffel Tower, the first floor, the second floor and the top. At one corner of the first floor, you could go around the square and they had explanation together with photo directions of every single major sight of Paris. When I went up higher and higher, I took more and more photos. When you got to the top the view of Paris was just simply incredible. There were also a hell lot of tourists crowding the entire place, the real reason why we spent the entire afternoon there, cuz whatever you do, there was always a long queue. I wondered how much revenue Tour Eiffel generates a day.
Then we headed down to the Arc of Triumph, there was a parade going on, apparently some big shots were there or something. We didn't find the entry into Arc of Triumph, parce que it was surrounded by the largest roundabout in the world leading to some a dozen big avenues, including l'avenue des Champs Elysees, where literally 87.5 cars passed before your eyes every second. But it looked very elegant from the distance, though.
And then, Notre Dame. Notre Dame was awesome. The most detailed, exquisite, different and sophisticated gothic cathedrale which combined almost all the elements of the Gothic architecture. It has a very different appeal from all different angles. It killed the rest of the memory I got on my camera. Notre Dame is on an island, when we walked by the waters there were some big and stylish tour boats passing by. Some rowdy soccer fans cheered at them, and the people on the boat echoed. Some other parisians were having a pique-nique right by the river. That's the kind of the "Parisian Life" I wanted to see.
Got back to the hostel at 10 and it was still bright, I decided to kill the pathetic two little beers I still had, so I headed down to the lobby and it happened that I met some really really cool German kids, Chris spoke almost perfect English and he was humorous and witty, Andrei was a charming bad ass that every girl easily fell in love with. Later Jesse and his roommate joined in as well, and we had a long and nice talk about girls and music. It was good times.

2005-07-12T17:04:00.000-07:00

Day 9, May 20, Friday, Paris
The most eventless day in my trip. Went to the Chinese embassy, in the morning, the line got too long, was told to come back in the afternoon. Went to get my air ticket, met another beautiful Chinese girl at the most embarrasing time, alright almost every Chinese girl I met on the trip was beautiful. Anyhow that was my first trip down the Avenue des Champs-Eslyee, it was grand, modern, kinda like Orchard, less Modern but more beautiful. So I finally found my way to the travel agency, but the lady asked to go somewhere else for my ticket. So I went to "somewhere else", another Chinese travel agency in France, guess it's bigger therefore they could give me the air ticket on the spot. But the lady almost screwed me up and I almost had to change my air ticket to Shang Hai, I sat there, cursing the two clumsy ladies inside, and wondering how I would deal with it if my wonderful wonderful vacation plan in Beijing are gone. I would probably damn everything. Luckily the clumsy lady got their senses back and finally gave me the ticket I wanted. Then, Chinese embassy, the old lady there looked like Jiang Qing or my elder aunt. Jiang Qing grumbles a lot like all old women in China, and she didn't know shit. But I got a bad news, I couldn't get my passport renewed there, just a temporary travel pass.
Got back to hostel, I had to change hostel. The new one looked like shit. Headed back to the old one and hung out with my nice roommates for the last time. We went to St Michel, had some great Italian food and went to the first hooka bar of my life. I remembered the exotic room decor, strange turkish pop music, dreams of belly dancing, the
fresh and unique taste of my egyptian tea and of course, the fruit hooka. The fondest memory was trying to make those smoke circles by my throat movement, and I almost did it. Isn't that cool!!

2005-07-12T16:59:00.000-07:00

Day 8, May 19, Thursday, Brussels and Paris

I wanted to visit the Atomium, the famous, well not that I knew it before reading the travel guide, building for the world fair, one of the symbols of Belgium and Brussels. It was at the end of the subway, long ride, and it was a very remote area. Soon I saw the modern, cool, silvery Atomium, but, like all other spoilers, it was under renovation too. So I took some photos with silly postures like a fucking posture(no I din't do the V sign), and I ventured into the park nearby. It was a huge park, scenically not that beautiful, but it was a good break from the architectures and cities I've been visiting. There was a river and many silly ducks and other lovely animals. I always loved walking in the trees. Half way up the slope I heard this huge noise, like tides of cheers and laughters splashing onto me. Curious, I walked up to where the noise came from, as it got louder and louder. Finally I saw it, it was a sea of children running around, apparently they were having some outdoors event, like a hiking or something, kinda like Chun You when I was young. Three young girls walked past me, and the cutest of them greeted me, she went, "Bonjour!" I never found French this elegant, maybe this was the reason I studied it. I smiled back and said bonjour. A word from Lolita flashed through my mind as I penned down this journal: nymphet.
After spending half of the day in the most relaxing manner, I returned to a fucking tourist, headed down to the EU parliament, watched men and women in expensive suits walking in and out the lobby, wondered if I passed by any big shots, and posed for another silly picture.
Then came the best part of the trip, I accidentally ran into the Galleries St Hubert, Europe's first of its kind, it's a stylish corridor of the most exquisite stores in Brussels, among the top is Neuhaus, Brussels's or maybe supposed to be the world's most elegant chocolate store, they invented Praline, which is anything with chocolate and something else. The store itself was just beautiful, beautiful and beautiful. Chocolate never seemed so delicious in my life. I bought a box of pralines and they tasted like heaven. Oh my god. Too bad I couldn't bring'em back. Got nice presents for friends from this classy stuffed toys shop too.
After another mesmerizng trip to the central plaza, I headed down to Paris. Paris!
My hostel was amazingly nice. Decent room with a nice bathroom, and there's even a nice little table for me to waste the night away on the computer. The nice, down-to-earth girl at the counter had a funnily coarse voice but I loved her very much.
The best thing of backpacking is running into very nice roommates, and it happened to me this time, two asians, one African(Adrian?), think about it now, I actually forgot their names, what a shame, but we did have a wonderful time together. After finding free wireless internet again and almost really wasting the whole night away in Paris on the Internet, I rescued myself by taking the invitation to go down to a jazz bar with them, you know, things you do on a Parisian night. It was indeed pretty good, I got to know some other nice people as well, Christine, who smoked almost everything, was a very interesting and genuine person and I liked her a lot. I still din't know the difference btw good and bad wines, but I had wine with the people anyway. The music was good, the waiter was a little cocky, the conversation was about whether democracy can be exported by America. Fun night.

2005-07-12T16:58:00.001-07:00

Day 7, May 18, Wednesday, Brussels
I'm a person full of ironies, and this is one of them: I can always stay calm in emergency and act in the best possible way to rescue the occasion, but I never bother to take that extra step to prevent the emergency from happening. That sucks, it's one of my many problems.
Anyway, I rose up early, had breakfast with the Indonesian and Chinese roommates in the canteen, they are actually studying Human Rights Law in Norway, how cool is that. Reminds me of the Penchan Lama demonstration in Dam Square of Amsterdam, that was the first time I heard that he was actually kidnapped by the Chinese government, and he was actually missing for 10 years, nobody knows where he is. They were very reasonable people and din't really push me in signing some petition to pressurize on the Chinese government, the only thing is that, there were some tibetans there putting up the whole scene which made the whole thing look fishy. Anyways, the breakfast was over, and I actually managed to figure out the way to Chinese embassy. It was in a very desolated place that I had to take a tram(bus with tracks, kinda like Dian Che in China) after the subway, but the buildings and the scenes on the roadside were very pleasant. When I got off the tram and found my way to the Chinese embassy, it looked like some shady place, I'm sorry to say, with the door locked. A young attractive girl rushed out after I rang the bell and she told me this is not the place for visa. Damn it I knew it!! And the policewoman at Gare du midi told me to come here!! The lesson is, sometimes people are silly and lose their mind, and when you think they have lost their mind, don't trust them, double-check. The girl's mandarin sounded very pleasant I wish I could talk to her longer. Anyway, in her instructions, I walked down the wide avenue lined with giant trees(which reminded me of Bukit Timah for a sec) to another shady place where I'm supposed to get my visa. The view was actually really really nice. And then the most beautiful thing happened, I came across this artificial lake which was stunningly beautiful in the dusk. There were two old Belgians by the lake, watching something. When I got close I found out it was a mama duck resting in her nest!! Duck's nest really exists! And it was really woven by grasses and shit, some other carefree ducks peacefully swam around, I couldn't have imagined how these little lazy creatures built their nests! The scene was so amazing I almost forgot my mission. But it was a pity that I din't bring my camera with me. Never let little grievances spoil your good mood, otherwise you will miss the chance of enjoying the beautiful life.
So finally I got to the shady place without an address or even name plague, just a crude board with "visa" on it. Well what the fuck whatever. I walked in and the stuff there were aloof as expected. But there was another pretty Chinese girl, too. Fortunately the guy in charge of Passport was nice enough and after talking to him, I decided to renew my passport in Paris.
Then I went to Carrefour and bought half of things I lost in that bag. There was this warehouse store called Bricolage which was very interesting. I always feel real men should know how to have fun in bricolage.
I came back to this huge shopping mall near my hostel to buy my new bag, it was a very very nice place for shopping, got everything you want. The most impressive sight was the tanks of gorgeous reptiles displayed all over the mall, I remembered the cameolean and a green rattle snake, simply gorgeous.
At 530 it was still bright and I decided to return to the tourist mode. So I headed down to the centre city. After I came out of the central station, I allowed myself to stroll around aimlessly. Came to this square garden where I saw kids skate-boarding which confirmed my guess that Brussels is a very urban, street city, it was also where I saw some elegant gothic spike in the distance in the setting sun. The buildings in my sight were gorgeous. They were all old european buildings. As I walked towards the grand Place Royal, I noticed a building that stood out from the rest, it was black, with musicals symbols at every level, and intricate curvature adornments all over the surface, it says Musee des instruments de musique, but its sheer beauty reminded me of something which I only found out the next day.
Brussels is such an amazing city, once you get to the old town, you can just wander everywhere and you are bound to run into elegant architecture, nice statues, gushing fountains and gorgeous antique stores. I ran into this Japanese girl everywhere I went, taking the same pictures of the same sights as me, so in the end I just went up and introduced myself. I told her I was looking for the Grand Plaza, she said she could take me there, so we walked down to Grand Plaza together.
Grand Plaza, the centre of old Brussels, the most magnificent place in the old city, totally totally blew my mind away. The splendid Hotel de Ville with its high gothic spike which I saw earlier was awesome, but it was the entire set of architecture around the plaza that made me linger there for an hour, every building was different and unique and had its own charm, and together they are called guildhouses. This was indeed a highlight of my journey, I was totally mesmerized by the beauty of grand plaza, Dam Square of Amsterdam compared to this is like Britney Spears in front of Joni Mitchell, me in front of Wang Xiao Bo.
Then I headed over to the Mannaken Pis, the little peeing boy who saved the city and probably the most famous symbol of the city in the world. But it was kind of a let-down, as it's really really small and hidden in the most inconspicuous corner ever. The belgium waffle shop next to it was pretty good nevertheless.
I went home, had some beer at the bar and had a good sleep.

2005-07-12T16:58:00.000-07:00

Day 6, May 17, Tuesday, Amsterdam
This was the most rememberable day of my entire trip. In fact I just realized there's no such word as remembrable, so this is the most memorable day of my entire trip. I also want to note down that when I'm writing this journal, I just came back from the Championship's final, Laura was sweet and nice, AC Milan sucked in the second half and they were 3-0 in the first half and 3-3 in the first 15 minutes of the second half. It was a shame. It sucked.
So I woke up late in the morning again. But I got to chat with two very very cool German dudes who told me about how awesome Prague was, and it sounded really really interesting, I think I wanna go down to Prague next year. Then I headed out in hope of doing some shopping for my parents etc but I found the stuffs at Amsterdam way too expensive for me. In the end I bought a very very nice tie for my dad, and I finally visited the famous Condomerie, it was a very very fasicinating place. I bought a really really fashion condom for Waller on his request called Gay Fun(?) and put it in my bag with the tie. Then I visited the famous Eat Mode Asian fusion restaurant recommended by lonely planet, had a seedweed wrap and wonton noodle, they were both delicious. I loved the place. If only I could go there again with my future girlfriend.
Then I went down the banks of the red light district again, if you noticed I visited the place everyday, it had become an obsession, an addiction. This time I thought I would go to a live sex show, but I backed out the last minute. Okay so I guess I was not man enough. But like a quality sex show costs like 30 euros, damn I ain't gonna pay that much for someone else banging some hot ladies in front of me. I took some really nice pictures of the entire district. I got this idea of taking my photo in the public piss place for man along the red light district, and after gathering much courage, I finally did it. It was fun. I got some Korean guys to do it for me. Cuz the people who pissed there dun really understand English.
So, in my last moments in this city I loved so much, I visited this cool shop called Old Man, it's supposed to be a really classy shop with all the Hash and Weed accessories, including cool T-shirts. I wanted to buy my friends some cool Marijuana T-shirts, but they were really 'that cool' and they cost awful a lot.
So there I was, in the centraal station again, boarding the train to Brussels. People have questioned me why I wanna go to Brussels, cuz they had some reservations on their mind. But I was really looking forward to it. So the whole trip was smooth and passed by real quick, until I got into this conversation with this man from Africa who kept talking to me and I missed my station at Belgium. One good thing about those European train station is that you never need to buy tickets if you miss one or two stops, just hop on a train on the way back and they would never check.
So there I was, impatient of the conversation we had that was going nowhere and pissed off cuz he made me miss my bloody station. When the train finally arrived at Gare du midi, which was in fact a more trendy one than the run-down and deprecated Centraal station, I got up and reached for my bag. But.
It was gone.
It was fucking gone, my passport, my eurail pass, my cheque book, the gifts I bought, was all in it. My favourite CDs, the best collection, which I shifted to the bag cuz I was scared that they got crushed in the suitcase, it was a painfully wrong decision.
So my mind went blank, the black guy told me he saw somebody take it but din't know it was mine. For a moment I was really suspiscious on him. Then the train cleaner came, and he really cared for me but din't speak English, he opened up the door for me, and pointed down the train. I din't understand but I ran down anyway, hoping to see somebody with my bag. My adidas bag which accompanied me for the past three years. But of course, no.
Then I went to the police station and filed a loss report. I couldn't remember how I finally got my way to the hostel, Centre Van Gogh, except that two attractive young French ladies tried to helped me and pointed the wrong direction. The whole night sucked. I sat down on my bed, gazing into the obliviousness.
That must be some really expensive lesson.

2005-07-12T16:57:00.000-07:00

Day 5, May 16, Monday, Amsterdam

Breakfast was 8 to 10 I guess, and I got up at like 945, rushed down to the lounge for breakfast cuz it was in another building. I was still kinda feelin' uncomfortable to join a group of strangers so I sat along, and an eastern european couple sat down opposite of me, I don't really know that they were from eastern europe, but the language they spoke was impossible to understand, so I figured they should be from eastern europe. The guy was handsome and the girl was pretty, so I think it's better not to interrupt'em. They noticed this little note in Chinese on the wall, so I took a look at it, too. Some Chinese dude was saying how Japanese and Korean young kids always travel and he feels that Chinese kids should do the same thing, too, and he was like I'm probably the first Chinese kid stopping by this restaurant and bullshit like that. and there was apparently some vulgarity comment left on that note saying your mother's stop being so cocky and another Chinese girl left another note under saying don't think you're the only Chinese students who study overseas blah blah blah. It was very interesting to see my Chinese friend's messages, it almost felt like how in the ancient times they left poems on the walls of hotels.
So I left the place after a good breakfast and started taking photos. The sky was pretty gloomy and it started drizzeling. Starting at Dam Square, which is the centre of the city I made my way down to the south side of Amsterdam. Amsterdam is a city made up of canals and spiderweb-like streets so it was pretty easy to find my way. The buildings are really nice, each of them has a cap on it with a different shape and together it just has this really european feeling. Standing on one of the bridges and looking down the river with boats resting and houses lining up at the sides was really enjoyable. I stopped by at the football museum only to find out that it only opens on weekends. And there was this flea market where they sold flowers, mainly tulips, and tulip seeds. I remembered that my mom likes plants so I wanted to get her some tulip seeds, but the lady told me I can only keep the seeds for a week. Damn, I don't wanna fucking fed-ex the seeds home. Maybe I was just cheap.
So I finally got to Riijksmuseum, the museum has a really grand and beautiful appreance outside, though barred and ruined by the renovation going on. There was no discount on my ISIC card though. There was never discount on my ISIC card, it was a total rip-off. From the moment I stepped into the museum I was mesmerized. Because the museum was under renovation, they only showed 200 masterpieces in there. And they were like, really masterpieces. The first room has this model of an English ship that the Dutch marine force captured, and it was just gorgeous in the yellow light. Inside there was silvery, exquisite furnitures, impressive classic paintings, etchings, sculptures, one of the most fascinating collections was the two incredible doll houses, it was so fucking detailed you could see the little little kitcheneries on the dining table in one of the rooms. This is the first museum that I took seriously, I was literally every little sign next to the artworks. And I learnt awful a lot. Especially about Rembrandts and other outstanding Dutch artists of the same era, their paintings were amazing. I totally learnt to appreciate how Rembrandts create sharp contrasts of light in his works, and the crown of the museum's collection, Rembrandt's Night Watch, was just astonishingly beautiful.
Then I headed to the Van Gogh museum. It was very interesting cuz I met this tour group with an english-speaking guide and a pretty professional translator for someone that looks like a big shot from China. So I just tagged along and learnt a lot about how Van Gogh grew from a self-educated artist with rather crude skills to a master of painting. His works were laid out in a chronological order, so I could see different influences on him in different times of his life. I managed to take pictures of his most famous self-portrait although it was not allowed. Some indonesian guys followed what I did and was caught. The guard there like gave him a 30 minute preach. I totally fell in love with Van Gogh's work after the visit. There was also a shocking exhibition of this Austrian artist Egon Schiele, it was twisted, erotic, intense and there were even more intense performance by some dancers, that was the weirdest part of my trip.
Then I visited Bulldog in the rain. Bulldog is the most famous local 'coffeeshop' chain, coffeeshop in Amsterdam is where people smoke up the entire afternoon. I got into the wrong place at first. I went into the Bulldog Cafe, and I ordered a 'space brownie', which has some "00" marijuana in it. I din't know what the fuck it was, but it din't work and I was disappointed. What was cool was the posters and collections in the bulldog cafe and 'gottahaveit' shops. There were some pictures of people who I believed were drug mafias. It was pretty cool and I felt very ghetto and gangsta and, cool.
I got Kranji to Go, a local famous Indonesian take-away restaurant, and some junk Marcoroni Bolognese from the local Super Market chain.
At night I went to the bar Absinthe. There I had the first Absinthe of my life, The making of Absinthe itself was amazing and worth the trip. The bartender put a shot of super-concentrated absinthe into the glass, then put a sugar cube on a holed spoon and set it in flames, in the end the drink really became fluorescently green, just like what I saw in the movies. It was very very strong and pretty bitter, though, but the woody aftertaste was quite good.
After the shot of Absinthe, I figured I had enough guts to take on my most daring project - taking pictures of the hookers in the red light district, looking back on it, it was probably not anything venerable, but because it's like a taboo thing to do, so I just wanted to prove to myself that I can do cool stuff like that on my own. So I gathered enough courage and hit the RLD again. At first, I just took some distant pictures from the bridge, or pretending to take pictures of the buildings next to the hooker's windows. Then I became bolder and started shooting the hookers, to my surprise, they were really alert to it. After my first flash, half the street closed their curtains. But on the absinthe, I didn't realize that they already noticed me. So I continued trying until I heard ferocious banging of windows behind my back, and I looked back and all the hookers were staring at me furiously. I had to admit, it was pretty intimidating for the moment. Then I had to abort my project.
No matter what, it was quite an experience.

2005-07-12T16:56:00.000-07:00

ay 4, May 15, Sunday, Amsterdam
I woke up in the early morning, bidded LL goodbye and went down to the Regensburg train station. After an uneventful train ride and an even more uneventful flight(except peering at a really old guy reading newspaper with women flaunting their tits on it) I reached the Central Station of Amsterdaam. Here my backpacking experience really begins.
Finding the Youth Hostel wasn't that hard cuz it's only a few minutes away from the station. The girl at the counter speaks better American English than I do. So for the first time of my life, I got a key to a youth hostel room of about 20 people. In fact, I'm really glad that the first hostel in my life is Bob's youth hostel, it's a really nice place with really lively and friendly atmosphere, where everyone smokes weed. Also everyone has a locker just right inside the room, that's very convenient indeed and should be spread about in every single hostel. Anyway I struggled my way to room H up a thousand steps and got to my bed. I met two American kids and one of them was actually from Philly region if I'm not wrong. They are pretty nice, the elder one was pretty cool and they were about to travel up to the Scandinavian countries. I thought it'd be cool to hang out with'em. Then I went out for dinner, ate some sort of lamb(coarme? i forgot) at some Indonesian restaurant, the guy at the restaurant told me how to go to the red light district.
Came back to the dorm and everyone is sleeping. The two turkish guys had been sleeping from the moment I got in and for the entire period I stayed there they seemed like they never ever woke up. I was like, hmm why don't I wait the two American kids wake up and I could go out drinking with them. The end result is, I fell asleep myself.
Woke up three hours later and it was 11h, I hesitated a while and decided to go out and withdrew more euros. I was kinda scared of being robbed so I flurried home after I withdrew 400 euros and kept them inside the laptop bag which snapped again already. Never buy bootleg nike bags ever again. I hesitated for another while and decided that I should go see the red light district myself. Turns out that it was a wise decision.
The red light district blew my mind away. The first time I saw real prostitutes, standing in red-light-lit windows with red drapes, dressed in barely nothing, like one metre away from me and posing all kinds of seductive poses at me. Like the guidebook said, it was fascinating just to see all the different tourists gaping at the prostitutes, some drooling, shaking their hands in disapproval while masturbating on their minds. Unlike what Jerry Zhang's sister said, some of the hookers were really hot. I walked down this river with sexshops, sex theatres and countless red-light windows lined up at the sides, blushing, feeling dazed, hard to breathe, and, well a little bit turned on.
Went back to the dorm at 2am and I found it hard to fall asleep haha.

2005-07-12T16:55:00.000-07:00

Day 3, May 14, Saturday, Munich
So the next morning I found myself waking up on the couch right before the TV. And LL and Mark on the other two couches. Two japanese girls were going to follow us to Munich, well in the end they became leaders cuz one of them's been to Munich 6 times I guess. So as I came out of Mark's small but cosy toilet, he was talking to this oh-so-gorgeous japanese girl and she was like 'Dunk Shunn', I was like, O yeah!!
But to my big disappointment, the gorgeous din't come. Haha, but the two girls that actually became our compass were really nice and patient, they speak minimum of English though. So the five of us kept talking German, and I just murmured French to myself. The roundtrip ticket to Munich only costs 7 euros. On the train we met some singaporeans, they are working in the semiconductor industry somewhere in Germany.
So we get off the train and headed straight to the city centre square. Munich is much different from Regensburg, it's like a big city, tons of tourists roamed the streets in fashion clothings. I started seeing beautiful German girls. I was pretty amazed by the old Town Hall building which was attached to this churchy thing. The churchy thing has a glockenspiel and we were lucky enough to see the glockenspiel show, although the building is towering and thus it was pretty far away, but it was amazing enough. It's like this circus thing where little miniatures on different concentric circles go round and round. Among the shops, namely H&M and others, we started to see some really cool Baroque or Mediavel buildings with cool etchings or scupltures outside. Mostly importantly, there were musicians violin and organ on the street, and the music makes everything so European.
We entered this huge beer hall for lunch, their trademark beer is one of the six great labels of Munich, called Augustiner, I was feeling happy so I ordered one litre of the Dunkles, the cup is fucking huge. The beer and the sausage was fine, but the most enjoyable experience was crowds of drunken, rowdy, crazy Munich fans who never stopped chanting Munich songs. The atmosphere was fucking crazy. The group sitting behind us lifted their cup and said cheers to me. So I cheers them back and this excited drunken guy came up to me and muttered a bunch of German, but all I could say is 'dunk shunn'(Thank you very much) Later this guy was brought away by the police for no apparent reason, and his friends at the table just smiled and watched him being brought away Thus I doubted whether they really knew each other. The girl who was sitting among them was really pretty, though.
Then we went for a beautiful walk past some churches and nice buildings, people I could communicate with didn't know what they are, and people who knew what they are, namely the Japanese girls, couldn't communicate with me. So I couldn't be bothered. The twin-tower church has a very interesting semi-sphere top, but the interior wasn't as impressive as St-Peter in Regensburg. And then we walked past some other buildings and sculptures before we came to this little park with a beer garden inside. That was the first European garden I saw, and it was so pretty. They placed all the greenery in a maze-y arrangement with little flowers adorned at the sides, which gives a really nice feel. In the center of the park two musicians were performing with guitar and something like Chinese 'Gu Zheng'. One of the nicest things in Europe is that you meet quality musicians everywhere, and they don't really spoil the place, they liven up the atmosphere wherever they go.
We then proceeded to the English garden, this is a real enormous park. I lied down on the big field, my faced was buried among the small and cute yellow and white flowers that you see on the lawns everywhere, and the sky was beautiful, I felt like I was part of a huge painting. It was a wonderful feeling. That's when I missed my friends, I wished they were here with me. The not-to-be-missed sight in the English park is, of course not the Japanese tea house, but the wave-riders at this bridge, they were all dressed in tight boardriding outfits and looked super cool especially when they were wave surfing. It was amazing to see them maneuvre such a tough sport so well.
On the way back to the train station, we saw people playing the famous european 'iron ball' game, where people tried to throw and hit the balls on the ground. I saw no point of the game, but they seemed to enjoy it tremendously. I mean, there's no point to every single game ultimately, the most important thing is to enjoy it, enjoy yourselves, have fun, you know. That's about my life philosophy.
I kept gift-shopping like a fucking tourist and they had to stop and wait for me several times. I bought this nice, well not really very nice, T-shirt of all the German soccer club's names and the world cup 2006 for Tong Xiao Tao, I think he's gonna be fucking happy.
So, they started speaking only in German on the way back and I got fucking bored, haha. The night was uneventful, except that we watched another guess guess guess, so you see, that might be the wrong thing to do when you are in Europe, delete all guess guess guess from your computer before you go to Europe next time. Man.

2005-07-12T16:53:00.000-07:00

Managed to steal internet again. Posting all my travel logs.

Day 2, May 13, Friday, Regensburg

The second day was beautiful. It started with a beautiful morning when I apparently woke up at 12pm, and LL scolded me again, she said my snoring was horrible. God this is the first time in my life I got scolded bcuz of snoring.
So LL took me to the symbol of Regensburg, St. Peter Church, believably the highest building of the city. I was awestruck, bcuz I din't expect it to be so splendid. This is the first real Gothic church I've been into, and the sculptures, altars, pillars, stained-glass windows and things I don't know how to name were all very very gorgeous, LL was sitting on the bench all bored and sleepy. While I pranced around taking pictures of everything inside. It was really dark inside the church, and my photo taking skills weren't that great then(not that it's great now), so many pictures came out blurry and stuff, but fuck it. When I came out of the cathedral I watched it and was amazed again.
And then we passed the Roman Wall and the old town hall. According to LL, it was 'nothing', Well everything seemed like 'nothing' to her. But well to this date I actually remembered nothing about it, either. Roman wall was this plain brick wall with uneven cementing on the surface, it was somehow in discordance with the surroundings. German buildings are, unique, I guess. They have the simplest design in the world, it's like, the wall one color, and the windows another color, and that's it. But the two colours usually have very strangely enthralling harmony, and when all those buildings are lined up together, it did feel, um, very european.
We were trying to go to the Denou river and were lost. So I used my brain and helped Liang Lan find it. Kidding. Denou river was peaceful and nice. We trodded down the river and crossed this bridge over which I mimiced the Blue Denou music. We came to this lovely small beer garden with "Huai" trees, chirping birds and pebbled grounds and of course, good beers. I had 0.5L of Dunkles(dark beer) and six sausages, feeling really German. They like mixed everything with beer, orange juice, soda, coke, sprite, anything, you name it. It was a really lovely lunch.
So after the lunch we walked down the Denou and Regen rivers, they are two beautiful rivers running parallel to each other, Regen means 'rain' in German, and that's how the city gets the name. It was supposed to be a really romantic ones, but...haha guess I'm not a very romantic guy to walk with. I managed to take some really beautiful photos of the river and the cathedral though. And I blew a dandelion, the small seeds drifted into the air, like people walking on different paths. There are beautiful grass and plants on the banks of Regen river and people fished by it, too. I felt like I could walk along the tranquil forever.
So Yingzhe came again, and we watched some more guess guess guess before we finally went out. I had my first doner kebab and it was amazingly delicious! Yingzhe took us to this rowdy and boisterous bar, where I had a helles(light beer) and a dunkles. Halfway through the lengendary Mark Liu came and jesus christ he was handsome, he's like the handsome version of Zhang Yu, there were many Zhang Yus in my life, but this time I meant the singer Zhang Yu. He's a pretty nice guy and fucking good in playing memory. Surprisingly, I sucked at memory, am I fucking senile already? Yingzhe just kep chugging beer with me, but I thought she could drink a lot. That day she just became wasted. So we walked to Mark Liu's small but cosy apartment, where she fell asleep in his bed. So the three of us came to the TV lounge, Mark was like, you guys wanna watch some TV? We were like, sure.

2005-07-05T05:30:00.000-07:00

The six week program in France is ending. I kinda feel a little bit of sadness.
I can't say like some people do "oh it was such a blast!" No it wasn't a blast, and definitely not the happiest time of my life. But it was such an experience hard to forget. The Lequoy family is the best thing that happened to me.
I don't have a best friend on the trip but I'll miss those lovely people nevertheless. And Pascal, such a great French. Great teacher.

2005-06-24T03:15:00.000-07:00

It's all over. I need to sleep.
My flashdick is broken. Can't upload my journal for the moment.
But everything's not lost.

2005-06-14T09:05:00.000-07:00

My eurotrip this year was the best thing I've done in a long time. But well considering how much money I've spent in it, I would say my good name of being a thrifty guy is gone forever. Anyhow here's the travel log that I kept. Each day was a prescious memory of mine.

Day 1, May 12, Thursday, Regensburg

Luftthansa airline is good, the attendants, though very old, provide very professional services. I tried out some German beer, with its name starting with W, on the plane, I also took red wine and the biggest reason I love them is because they provide irish cream after dinner!!!!!!Oh my god, I love them just because of that. They actually played Coach Carter on the plane, while I was sleeping. I woke up and saw the credits rolling up the screen. My seat couldn't fall back so I pestered the attendant. In the end, i got into this curtained seat which was vacant and I just closed the curtain and had my own small world inside, it was quite an experience. The guy sitting on my right is a 'seaman', according to himself, he's funny and outgoing but barely spoke English, so I talked to him about wine and girls, surprisingly, he rates Chinese girls higher than Korean girls, well I mean not surprisingly, but most foreigners tend to agree that Korean girls are pretty. This seaman apparently has been to a lot of places, but he hates irish cream, so we din't become good friends really. To my left was this scary-looking woman who has four ostentious piercings on her face and she was wearing a black veil and her hair was something between the black's braided and the Gypsy. But she was actually pretty nice, I vaguely remember that she was from San Diego.
So I got down the plane and boarded my first eurail train. I was in the first class cabin for the first half an hour with a second class ticket. BUt like there was no one checking the ticket, I doubt there'd be any throughout the journey, so I wasted fucking 57 euros man. I talked to this Philipino man on the train, his entire family has served the US army and his son was in Iraq last year. I wanted to talk to this group of very attractive girls in one of the cabins, but they were gone when I made the decision. Bleh.
Okay so yesterday was pretty dramatic, I almost almost din't get my French visa in time. At the airport, I suddenly remembered that fuck, I forgot to buy the eurail select pass, so I called up STA, this time everyone I spoke to was being an asshole. In the end Meredith called me up and sold the thing to me over the phone, but I doubt if she sold me the correct one. I made Lisa Wang send the thing to me via UPS, feel very thankful to her. But I don't know whether I can really get it in time, cuz it's supposed to arrive on Saturday. So, let's pray. Travelling in Europe without a pass is like unprotected sex.
Finally I got to Regensburg, the ticket checker on the train came to check my ticket twice in the road, and they asked me why I din't have a ticket, and hoestly, I don't really know haha. The lady at the ticket office must have forgotten about it. Luckily the German guys were nice enough to let me go on anyway. So anyway, I finally got to Regensburg and I called up Liang Lan, Liang Lan said she would come in half an hour, she actually came in 50 minutes, but that's besides the point. So I used this time to do my first Europe window shopping, and I confirmed the popular myth: alcohol is cheaper than water in Europe, all 0.5 Lit waters are 1.40 euros, but you can get 1 Lit wine for 99 cents. So I wandered one around, didn't get anything, I still found the euros a bit expensive and was still in the reluctant-to-spend-any-money mood. Finally Liang lan came, with not much change but slightly more pimples(hahahaha kidding kidding), and she suggested that we make our own food. I said yea great idea. So she took me to my first European bus. The seats are very nice and the whole bus was just very comfortable. In the three days I spent at Regensburg, I never bought a single bus ticket. Liang Lan wanted me to use her old student card, but then it said 'frau' on it, which means Ms in German, so we gave up. I guess the ticketing is on an honors system. It's okay I don't really mind not paying.
As the bus drove down the German streets, I stared at them, the buildings in regensburg were plain, with their monocromic cement face and mechanical windows of the same shape and same color, I guess the uniqueness relied on their simplicity and exotic color schemes, when one row of such houses line up together, it feels like an abstract painting.
So we went to this German supermarket right near Liang Lan's dorm. The things were pretty cheap there, I'd say. But Liang Lan started to complain to me how stupid Germans are, she was like, do you know the water bottle belt? All Chinese and US people build it under the ring so that it detaches from the cap, but the stupid Germans(actually, Europeans I guess) build it with the cap above the ring, and it's impossible to get off. Also this German Supermarket doesn't provide plastic bags, so you gotta carry your own bag.
We bought hot chicken wings so we decided to fry chicken wings, Liang Lan was actually pretty good at frying. I was scared of the sparkling oils. Fuck, lost all my face. Then I tried to open the .99 white wine that we bought, cuz I heard the white wines in Germany are known to be fruity, light and delicious. Then we figured out why it was on sale for only 99 cents, the problem was the plug. I tried like twenty times trying to pull it out using the wine-opener, but every time I tried to pull out the plug I only ended up breaking it and bringing up debris. In the end I used a knife to slowing cut the plug out bit by bit, and finally managed to spin the remaining plug out with a swiss knife, after half an hour. But this is actually the first bottle of wine I opened by myself. Later when Zhao yinzhe came with another bottle of red wine, I opened it with ease. Maybe I'm just not a fast learner. Then.
We watched Guess Guess Guess, I watched one episode with Liang Lan, one and a half with both of them before I completely passed out on the airbag that Yingzhe brought. I woke at 12 and used Internet until 3, so I was scolded by LL. And that ends my first day of the eurotrip!!!!!

2005-06-13T04:21:00.001-07:00

Suddenly realized most of you are in China now. And somehow in China you can't read my god-damned blog. So, guess I'm really writing for myself now. Doing things just for yourself can be a sign of growing up, it can be really enjoyable and relaxed, but it also can be scary: what if I'm fucking closing on myself?
I've enjoyed by now quite some time on my own, and started to like it. It's all good, everything. But there were times when I thought of you guys, and I looked around and felt like I'm the only rose in the garden, the only bird in the sky.

2005-05-31T07:56:00.000-07:00

So I finished reading 梦里花落知多少, I have to say 郭敬明 is a formidable writer. People say he copies, and I haven't read the "book he copied from" yet, but I don't really care, I think he's a really talented writer, and I can't achieve his height in at least three years.
梦 is a very torturing read, to say the least. My first impression of the story is that it's so fucking superficial, life is not just about relationship and breaking up for the most trivial reasons, it feels fussy and empty. But slowly I was sucked into the book, i was sucked in to the main characters' lives. So many parts of the story felt so familiar. I feel like, that is the kind of life I wanna lead, life in China with friends of life. The second part of the book became too dark, that I have no courage to read it again. I love the main characters, I see parts of my brothers and sisters on them, and I don't wanna see them suffer.
When Guo, well kinda funny cuz it's my freaking family name too, analyzes Lin Lan's character at the end, he says she's the kinda person who lives for others, she's scared to face herself, to think for herself. That's very me. And that's a very very contradictory statement, and I don't think he understands it either.
I'm confused. I'm not brilliant enough to understand myself.

2005-05-16T13:13:00.000-07:00

In Amsterdam now, been hanging out alone, because I guess I'm not brave enough to walk up to one group of strangers and hang out with them, that's the point of backpacking I guess, to challenge we in stretching my limits. But the good thing is, I've started to appreciate hanging out with myself, so this is another important step towards independence.
Alright so far I sounded like I din't really enjoy myself. I did! I had a blast in Germany, it was the perfect start of a eurotrip. Amsterdam has been an amazing city, and I've seen some of the craziest things. I tried a 'brownie', but I was too cautious I ate it half half so I din't get high. Wasted 6 fucking euros.
I miss my friends though, friends I made in US, terribly.
I'm gonna head out and hopefully do some other crazy thing tonight, I'll put my travel log online when I have time to finish them, or rather, start them. I'd never imagine that there's wireless internet in this small shady hostel. Haha. Oh Well.

2005-05-12T16:08:00.000-07:00

In Europe now. Chilling and feelin' amazing.

2005-05-09T21:02:00.000-07:00

高雯有一个美女朋友，好像法号叫做牛。看过她的照片，真是水灵啊，但是我并没觉得怎么。直到几天前五一中路过了她的blog，看见她写的诗，这才惊为天人。原来这个世上还真有写诗写得比我好一万倍的人。
现在出于对素昧平生的牛同学的滔滔不绝的敬仰，冒死写诗一首。

春天的摇摆

我顶着春天杏花的风在四月里向你摇摆
因为我看见你紧闭双唇
神情羞涩，于是
我轻率的断定我们都同时被上古的咒语击中
虚无缥缈的千年情缘
若隐若现的附上了我身
不久之后这绯红的世界让我失魂落魄

你的身影在漫天的樱花里向我摇摆
忽远忽近的笑容飘到我的河边
今年春汛我看得见
今年的柳絮像大雪降落到我面前
我双手合十喃喃自语念诵古怪的咒语
我又是一个浪漫的疯子烂醉的诗人

你告诉我夏天来时我将停止摇摆
这是一个错误的青春期的白日梦想
春天是一场自我暗示的巨大幻象
今年的春汛没能赶上你的花开
但我说让我继续肆无忌惮的摇摆
让我唱着扭曲潮湿的歌曲大声摇摆
让我倒在春天的落英中尽情摇摆
让我跳完蹩脚的舞蹈
让我接着在春天的影子里摇摆

2005-05-09T20:49:00.000-07:00

I surfed the internet for an entire day today, dunno what I did, I thought I was doing visa research but in the end this research has come to no conclusion. The only thing I could remember is comforting Liang Lan online, relationship sounds complicated, intricate, difficult, pressurizing, bleh, but still I'm looking forward to it. C'mon relationship, come and torture me, come and kill me. I din't even hang out with the fraternity brothers upstairs. I'm stuck in a post-post-final-post-departure-with-friends syndrome. Hope I can get out of it when I wake up tmr.
I saw a BBS post discussing 淞沪会战, one of the most brutal battles during the anti-Japan war, and I never respected these soldiers so much before. I stared at their photos in silence and saluted them in my heart, they're all true heroes. I wanna be a man who fights to defend his country.
There's this thought that suddenly came to my mind, diplomacy is complicated too, almost as complicated as relationship, in diplomacy, every country is trying to outpace other countries, take advantage of other countries, get the best out of the deals with other countries or even crush other countries. Drawing a parallel to the human relationship, aren't we just like those countries? I'm like the nicest and stupidest country in the world. Haha, so the lesson is, dealing with people that ain't your homeies is like diplomacy, dude you can't be too nice or Japan will invade you, europeans will rob you and Taiwan will betray you.

2005-05-08T01:52:00.000-07:00

时间凌晨五点，地点我的小房间里，最后一篇坐在这张桌子前的blog。刚刚收拾完东西，并且重操女红伟大的补了两个饱。我尽一点也没有疲倦的感觉，只是坐在电脑前，听着Lisa Ono,平时不大听的音乐，现在放只是为了营造一些浪漫的意境，旁边的刘羽已在Bossa Nova的鼓点中沉沉睡去，明天他醒来我们将各奔东西，明天他醒来我们将第一次也最后一次在这件凌乱得亲切的小屋里拥抱，告别，珍重。明年将各有新的室友，新的生活。多年以来陌生了的伤感情绪在这时他妈的涌上心头。
我知道我伤感的不是和刘羽的道别，我伤感的是那逝去的在这凌乱的小屋里在这别扭的小桌前昏黄的灯光下度过的那一个个难忘的夜晚。心疼，欢喜，期待，失落，郁闷，开怀。回首一望，也不过两个月不到的时间，这两个月不到的时间我经历的比过去两年还丰富。发生了那么多那么多的事，像海潮翻涌般的溢上心头。细细回味，虽然伤感的时间占了多数，但在我心头萦绕的还是那些最最美丽的回忆，美得像春天，美得像16岁。那时候的我诗意盎然，意气风发。
这些手指传达心头的颤抖，拼命破译屏幕上的文字，长聊到4点的每一个清晨，以及之后的烦恼或甜美睡眠，这些记忆，终将离我远去，我终将成长。但我想，就永远这么青涩惘懂下去，永远活在甜蜜与心疼交织的日子里，也是很幸福的一件事情。
现在还不是酸的时候，但我要说，我犯了一个又一个错误，但我不后悔。我不为青春后悔。一切的一切，都是值得的。

2005-05-05T13:51:00.000-07:00

I'm so fucking lazy.

2005-05-03T11:33:00.000-07:00

So I discovered another piece of truth today, that good finals planning strategy should involve a good night's sleep before the exams. I felt like today's French was like a dream, I din't even remember how I finished it. Legal studies was like, okay legal studies was just like a normal exam with a few yawns, but you get my point.
I'm supposed to be in the shittiest stage of my life now, but I'm feeling quite happy and satisfied, so either I've become an idiot now, or I've become a sage. Both work out fine for me.
I think Robbie Williams is very gay, but one of his songs was actually very moving and inspiring, gays straight guys alike.
Move me, shock me, break me, wake me.

2005-05-01T13:09:00.000-07:00

我这个人很少服别人批评我。心高气傲。但前天晚上高雯说我说得一语中的，她说我说话不上道。
服了。

2005-04-30T20:23:00.000-07:00

人生在世，当时常扪心自问。比如说，你有没有真才实学？你有没有虚度光阴？你有没有庸人自扰？
想清了这三个问题，人就会少犯些错误。

2005-04-30T07:36:00.000-07:00

如果我彻底放弃的话，我可能会比现在幸福。但我也可能错过一辈子的幸福。
有点艰难，但我不想做一个轻易放弃的人。

2005-04-27T13:26:00.000-07:00

舒翩昨天见我闷闷不乐，冲过来帮我分忧。结果她三言两语就尽解我心中块垒。在此感谢舒翩同志，您真是个好同志，党和人民会永远记住你的丰功伟业。我也了解了舒翩同志柔情可爱的一面。哈哈。
结果昨天晚上睡得特别香。香得错过了去华盛顿的车。这下亏大了。

2005-04-26T07:52:00.000-07:00

一切都是我自寻烦恼。
何苦来哉？

2005-04-26T00:41:00.000-07:00

荣幸转帖：

褚哥，杭州人，祖籍长春，另有说是北京，另另有说是上海，扑朔迷离。此人聪明绝顶，风华绝代，才高八斗，学富五车。现摘褚哥流芳百世之遗作如下。

《断桥》

迎着湖风
悄立在悠长、悠长
又断了的桥上
细雨捎着哀怨
我盼着妻
秋水，穿望
由彼岸踱来的妻
秋水一样的冰凉
冰凉的眼神，细雨的哀怨
夫妻两岸，无恙？
秋水摇着涟漪
涟漪搂着湖里的妻，
像我一样，
像我一样地悄立着
眷恋、向往，又惆怅
湖风拂散了秀发
秀发牵着忧伤的细雨
默默，又荡回桥上
那桥上，像梦一般
像梦一般地吹着湖风
断了一个秋水的梦
结了一段断桥的缘
断结不了，妻的
忧伤的眼光
我悄立在桥那方
不相忘

秋水，穿望
夫妻两岸，无恙？
谁先荡到那桥上
奈何桥上不相忘……

《沁园春－观潮》

六合塔顶，风卷残云，古刹弥雾。
览万里长堤，遏风破浪，天堑一桥，飞跨通途。
水涌苍穹，海天色变，滚滚巨涛一叹无。
感震撼，退汪洋大海，中原再图。
骏马焉可闲步，待十四万万人民主。
喜炎黄子孙，不受其苦，龙游水电，为民造福。
拔蹄草原，驰骋沙场，誓引三军豪杰目。
钱塘潮，集日月精华，笑傲江湖。

二零XX年五月十号，中国驻日公使楚留香代表中国政府当面向日本天皇递交的二十二条要求，内容如下：

第一号
中国政府及日本国政府，互愿维持世界全局之和平，兹定条款如下：

第一款在日本中央政府，须聘用有力之中国人，充为政治财政军事等各顾问。
第二款所有日本军事基地，最高指挥官务必任选中国人。
第三款向来日本境内，屡起中国人遇害案件，须将日本全境之警察，作为日中合办；地方警署本地招员，中央警署任选中国人。
第四款日本政府允诺一切军事材料由中国进口，日本国不得私自开发研究军事武器，或设立军械厂。
第五款日本全日空航空公司由中国东方航空公司全权接管，日本新干线电气铁路公司由中国铁通全权接管。如有需要，日本须将国内长途公路运输承包权让于或租与中国个体企业。
第六款日本国内任何企业接受外资合办，须经过中国政府同意。
第七款日本承认中国国人在日本有布教之权，任何情况之下都不得干涉。
第二号
中国政府及日本国政府，为进一步增进两国合作，促进国民交流，兹定条款如下：

第一款日本国允诺中国公民凭中国护照有自由进出日本国之权利，日本国民进出中国须申请，且最长逗留不得超过三天。
第二款日本国允诺中国公民在日本国居住，享有一切日本国民政治及经济权利。
第三款日本国将除北海道，本州，四国，九州之外所有岛屿，无论何项名目，概不让于或租与别国。
第四款日本国允诺，日本国所有岛屿，包括列岛四岛，全部开放给中国私企发展旅游业。
第三号
中国政府及日本国政府，因日本承认中国在北海道及本州北部地区享有优越地位，兹以定条款如下：

第一款两订约国互相约定，将小樽、札幌租借期限并函馆港口，均展至九十九年为期。
第二款中国臣民在旭川地区的十胜平原，为居住、商业、工业或教育应用之房厂，或为农业，可得其需要土地之租借权或所有权。
第三款日本本地原住民阿伊努族须南迁至北东北地区田泽湖以南，以方便中国国民居住往来，并经营工商业等各项生意。
第四号
中国政府及日本国政府，顾于中国资本家于日本国内若干企业现有密切关系，且愿增进两国共通利益，兹议定条款如下：

第一款两缔约国互相约定，待将来相当机会，将松下(panasonic)、索尼(SONY)、三菱（mitsubishi）作为两国合办事业；并允如未经中国政府之同意，所有属于以上公司一切权利产业，日本政府不得自行处分，亦不得使公司任意处分。
第二款日本政府允准，所有属于任天堂(Nintendo)、世嘉(Sega)、索尼次世代（playstation & playstation2）、科纳米（Konami）及史客维尔（Enix-Squaresoft）等公司的销售网点及经营范围，全部限于日本本国内。以上公司的国外分部，由中国政府全权收管。
第五号

中国政府本着维护日本国家主权的良好愿望，暂不需日本履行第一号至第四号所有条款，条件为日本履行第五号条款如下：

第一款日本政府再次允诺，不得拥有除自卫力量以外的军事部队、武器。
第二款日本政府允诺，日本国销毁本国所有核武器，并永远不会研制开发任何大规模杀伤武器。
第三款日本政府允诺，修改日本教科书。凡涉及二战中日本侵略中国历史部分，一概按史实重新编写，并向国民承认篡改历史之事实。
第四款日本现任天皇，就二战侵略中国所有惨案向中国人民郑重谢罪。
第五款日本政府最高领导人，自本届起，不得以国家领导人身份参拜靖国神社。
第六款日本政府立即发表国际声明，一旦违反以上五条条款任一条或数条，将无条件接受第一号至第四号所有条款。

仿《二十一条》，纯属虚构，如有雷同，实属巧合。

2005-04-26T00:28:00.000-07:00

今晚和一个很重要的朋友长聊，心中这些日子以来埋得发霉的话得以全部破土而出。于是发生了四件事：
一：无比畅快，好比手突然长长了挠到背心那个怎么也挠不到的痒。
二：发现这家伙根本是个白丁。
三：发现我煽起情来不亚于痞子蔡，把自己给感动坏了。不过好像也只有我自己被感动坏了。
四：了解了一切真相，觉得生命从未如此美好。
什么事都没有发生。但我觉得比什么事都发生了还要高兴。从此又回到了我梦中的16岁。永远的16岁。

2005-04-25T15:06:00.000-07:00

俗人

今天想做一个俗人，看了我猜我猜我猜猜猜，这期的真他妈好看！！美女们都很可爱漂亮，个个我都想约，但是最重要的是嘉宾！！！！！我最喜欢的两个嘉宾今天全部到场啦！！！！！她们就是美丽温柔的刘真！！！！和简单纯真的林立雯！！！我看到林立雯整个心都充满了幸福的满足感，哈哈哈哈。可惜了。
好俗啊。他妈的。
还有今天又做了一件错事，对不起朋友，我非常非常非常后悔。

2005-04-24T22:12:00.000-07:00

Watched Interpreter, it was really a great movie. Great cast, great plot. Successful production I guess. For the first time in my life, I feel that Nicole Kidman is very very beautiful, and I would fall in love with her character in the film, an independent woman who lives her dreams but at the same time remains a lovely girl inside. Also for the first time, I find a woman in business outfit attractive.
Sean Penn put up a convincing performance again. He played a man who's cool, smart but at the same time vulnerable at the loss of the dearest thing in life. I guess it's very cool to be a man like that. The moment he plugged out the music station's power supply and plugged it in again to play his favourite music, it was very cool. He didn't care about the whole bar, he didn't care about the world outside at that moment. And that's very cool.

2005-04-23T12:06:00.000-07:00

回家

一年的飘荡
一天一夜的漂泊
我终于回到家门口
望着天空
脸上写满了春夏秋冬
困惑感慨
隔着门就是
爸爸又添了皱纹的脸
妈妈湿润的眼眶
我将是一个微笑的男人
成熟的儿子
进去给家里报喜
然后在半夜起身
听着他们甜美的睡眠
沉默一宿
我多想
一回到家就永远是个容易受伤的孩子

2005-04-23T11:27:00.000-07:00

旅行

收拾所有的行囊
收拾自己
收拾奢华的生活收拾我的整个世界
明天
去旅行

去看撒哈拉沙漠
比萨斜塔
巴比伦河和圣彼得大教堂
去看巴黎的日出
柏林的雨
巴塞罗那的狂热舞蹈
我和我的包裹
不断地穿梭飞行
从这个城市到那一座
作为永恒不变的过客
将自己的身影不断重叠在
更永恒的风景上面

背向内心旅行
你可以说这是一场自我放逐
每个旅行的人都是这样
走了一圈回到原地
和自己的灵魂重逢的时候
只愿平静满足

2005-04-23T09:02:00.000-07:00

今天我的Media Player居然放出了一首the Cure的很accoustic的歌，叫做out of this world。好听的很令人惊喜。Robert Smith的声音跟他在lullaby里面的一样感性令人沉醉。我喜欢他这个变态偶尔温暖的感觉。他不停的吟唱着："always have to go back to real life"。是的，我们总要面对最真实的生活。踏踏实实的生活吧，孩子们。
看到Kurt Kobain对pearl jam的评价，说他们是披着grunge外衣的商业音乐。这点让我很生气，Kurt Kobain是我最喜欢的摇滚艺人，但是这孩子老是看不起别人乱骂人，这点不好，pearl jam的音乐才华没有Nirvana那么惊世骇俗，但是还是非常非常高深的，不然他们就写不出Black和yellow ledbetter这么经典大气的歌来。我是很喜欢Pearl Jam的，什么时候来费城啊。我倾家荡产去看他们。
买了一瓶polo blue的古龙水。在一帮超级metrosexual的新加坡人指点下。从此成为一个俗人。
看了可可西里，剧情很紧凑，一部电影完了感觉怎么这么短啊。几个很震撼的镜头，登山队员一开始的被杀，让我想起了辛德勒的名单里面那个犹太女建筑师被枪杀的画面。恶人若无其事以聊天的语气杀人比大发兽性大杀大砍更让人觉得彻骨的寒冷，连最彻底的怜悯之心也没有了。刘栋在送食物和汽油接应其他巡山队员时误陷入了流沙，他拼命拼命地挣扎，最后还是放弃了，闭上双眼任自己沉了下去。我看到这个时候椎心的痛。这么能干矫健的男人啊，一点反抗的能力都没有。日泰队长最后被用机关枪打死，虽然是预料之中的事，但是还是让人感到绝望。这部电影的一大成功在于真实。在恶人面前，一切靠自己支撑的志愿巡山队员是那么的脆弱。
很震撼，巡山队员一个个都是最男人的男人。刘宇在我旁边说，一辈子为了自己所相信的，全力以赴了，就没什么好遗憾了。我说，说得真好。

2005-04-22T13:27:00.000-07:00

闲来无事（六）

麦琪姑娘对此缺乏准备，愣在那半天，若有所思地缓不过气来。我连忙机灵地傻笑说开玩笑的开玩笑的。其实我说的是,kidding kidding 外加若干个尴尬的哈哈哈哈。说到这里有一点需要补充一下，我们到现在为止所有的对话都是用英语进行的。虽然我写得好像我们在讲中文一样。其实不是，比如当麦琪姑娘要我蹲下的时候她说的不是“你二啊你，还不快蹲下”，而是“squat down“, dick.当然她也可能没有用dick这个词，这个词在英语里面是很坏的，麦琪姑娘可不是什么坏人。因此很有可能这只是我自己一厢情愿的记忆罢了。
我还以为接下来她要佯嗔骂我色狼了，很多人不知道，色狼这个词在英语里面可不是color wolf,色狼应该是horny guy或者pervert。但是麦琪姑娘没骂我horny也没骂我pervert。她沉吟了一下说那好去我屋吧，你们男生的房间我又不是没去过，那是人住的地方吗？我说哦。好吧。
沉默了半晌。她说，那好我要去吃饭了，很高兴认识你，你叫什么名字啊？我说郭二，你就叫我郭吧，别叫我二。美国人叫中国人名字都只叫一半，而且一般是first name，就是第一名，我的第一名是二，我刚到美国的时候想都没想，就跟人自我介绍说我叫二。结果我跟我妈视频聊天我妈说美国人怎么老骂你啊？我说没有啊妈。我妈说那我听见人家老管你叫二。我说二怎么了。我妈说儿啊你不知道吗北京话里面二就是傻的意思啊。我说我真不知道妈你不是宁波人吗你怎么北京话说得比儿子还溜。
麦琪姑娘说那好吧，很高兴认识你郭，我叫麦琪。我说那我叫你麦吧。她说什么？我说never mind。我意识到美国人认识不到这其中的幽默。我的意思是说我可以跟我的中国朋友这么介绍她，这位姑娘姓麦，叫麦琪。Ms. Mai.
我们交换了手机号码。真是得来全不费功夫。麦琪姑娘说，我要去吃饭了，我住在哥伦布楼，你住哪儿？我说我住爱因斯坦楼。她说，哎呀，那咱们的食堂在一块儿啊，你要一起吃饭吗？我说不了，我今天晚上跟朋友约好了在牛顿楼的食堂吃饭。她说好吧，那你今天晚上什么时候过来给我打个电话吧。我说好的，goodbye。goodbye。我们现在还不熟，我可要矜持一点。
在牛顿楼等我的猪朋狗友便是J君。此人原来总是不识相的跟小S和M君成天在一起吃饭，后来被我和D君联手骂了个狗血淋头才幡然醒悟发誓从此不再当电灯泡。我本来总是跟D君一起在居里夫人楼食堂吃，因为居里夫人楼是女生楼，而且那儿的女生全是sluts，气温一高过32华式就开始穿超短裙。但是今天D君飞到旧金山去接他女朋友去了。
以往我跟J军吃饭的时候，全部是他给我滔滔不绝地讲肥皂剧剧情，无非是今天A跟B酒醉之后上了趟床明天B开始吐到医院检查发现意外怀孕后天B的旧情人C踢了B一脚导致她流产云云。我已经看透了肥皂剧世界的千篇一律。但今天我滔滔不绝，从非洲原始人讲到基因工程学。J君瞪着我看，说你小子不是发春了吧。
我想，我是发春了。
吃完饭后我飞奔回家对着镜子把自己半英寸长的头发做了三遍，又偷了我室友的Tommy古龙水，信心满满地踏向哥伦布楼。结果我在麦琪姑娘的楼下打她电话，占线。等了一分钟，再打，还是占线。等了三分钟，再打，占线。等了五分钟，再打，占线。2月12号晚上，您要是经过哥伦布楼，就可以看见一个傻子站在门口打了一个小时电话。最后我沉痛总结道，以后一定要问清人家房间号码。

2005-04-22T13:17:00.000-07:00

人生如戏，世事如梦。

2005-04-22T10:58:00.000-07:00

I screwed up my French Listening, big times. Gone is my hope of getting an A for French, also gone is my hope of getting a 4.0 GPA semester, for who the hell knows, this might be my last chance of a 4.0 GPA semester. Looking back, I was being over-confident, or rather over-pessimistic. I pretty much screwed it up myself and there's no one to blame. I was just a little surprised, coz usually for the very last struggle, I'd do my best and do very well, I'm too lost these days to understand why.
Yesterday someone criticized me for being too vulgar. She gave me a preach on how my cursing has reflected a very bad image of me. Usually I hate preaching, it's the one item that I forgot to put under 'I hate' column to the right. But this time, I was being very polite for thanking her to point it out. So either I'm more fake a person now, or I did fucking grow up a little. Still, I think a person that doesn't enjoy cursing when it's necessary leads a boring life. And I hope you all agree.
Quote of the day:
Random girl: F u!!!
Me: Right now? Okay, my place?

2005-04-20T13:13:00.000-07:00

Alright man, I guess growing up is a long process and sometimes, man it's not that fun. But I'll keep growing stronger and be a better man. Watched video of myself and I seemed like an idiotic clown, maybe that's how I always am in others' eyes. Somehow I started to feel that this is it man, you gotta stop foolin' around and grow up. Grow up and be a man.

2005-04-19T06:42:00.000-07:00

Well sometimes I just wanna be crazy be hysterical don't care about anything in the world(one year in Singapore my desktop was "I don't care about anything") do whatever i want in spite of the whole world's opposition fuck whoever who points his fingers at me fuck you you losers i gotta do everything my own way who the fuck are you I don't give a fucking damn if you're Chairman Mao or Hitler.
But I just can't, I've lost all my feelings, why am I so cool? I don't wanna be so cool.

2005-04-18T17:42:00.000-07:00

一直以为我的诗写得很不错。最近我才发现，也许我的诗并不怎么样。起码如果要写歌词的话，我的东西怎么看怎么俗，高雯这家伙如果写歌词那就比我脱俗凝练的多。以前我挺看不起歌词的，觉得只是文字游戏罢了，无非是情情爱爱的，现在才发现，写好的歌词，像林夕，李宗盛那样的婉约或洒脱的歌词，不是一件容易的事。
在餐厅的KTV大赛上听到Mariah Carey的hero,想起这首歌曾经是我的精神支柱，有点恍如隔世。每个人每个阶段都有一首紧扣心境的歌代表那段人生，对我来说，这样的歌曾经有：（按时间顺序）刘德华的长夜，万芳的四季，老狼的一封情书，某某的because I love you, 张国荣的不想拥抱我的人，黄耀明的一千年的爱，刘以达的晚节不保，Soul Asylum 的 runaway train, Paul Simon的Scarborough Fair, Goo Goo Dolls的iris, Bread的if, 孙燕姿的天黑黑，Jeff Buckley的hullelujah, Red House Painters的Have you forgotten how to love yourself, Don McLean的vincent，Tom Waits的jersey girl, 以及最近的Gary Jules的 Mad World. 有时候想起这些我生命里的歌，轻轻地哼起，就仿佛看到了当年的天空的颜色，闻到了当年风的味道，想起了我曾经那么喜欢却毫不了解的女孩子的笑靥如花。偶尔会眼眶湿润，但这是很温暖的事。
生命中人人也都有最钟爱的诗句，我也跟大家一样，都喜欢过“黑夜给了我黑色的眼睛，我却用它来寻找光明“和“面向大海，春暖花开”。但我心里也有真正触动过我的诗句，比如”满天风雨下西楼“，比如叶芝的when you grow old。
音乐，诗歌，那些花儿，都是生命最美丽的时刻。

2005-04-18T12:59:00.000-07:00

I always had wonderful experiences with STA. Today it was a Thai girl called Winnita who served me. And jesus christ she's really cute, sweet and professional at the same time. The idea of asking her out crossed my mind for like 2 seconds. AND THEN FADED AWAY. But these people are really sweet and cool, I've already fallen in love with STA. Everyone should go to STA to book your tickets, and talk to Rick and Winnita.
I thought something's gonna hit me today, but it didn't. I guess, yeah there's no rush. We are all adults and we should have no problem controlling emotions.
Monday is the pass-out day.
Last but not least, I'll get back to Xian2 Lai2 Wu2 Shi4 on Friday, sorry to keep you guys waiting. I've absolutely no clue what I'm gonna write either.
I'm going to Europe and this is gonna be fucking awesome.

2005-04-17T22:54:00.000-07:00

Yeah so tonight was actually better than the sonic youth night. Well maybe not, fuck it I don't really know.
Went to Wok, it's a pretty good restaurant, definitely beats Bei Jing, but I still din't really love the food coz it's not spicy or heavily-tasty enough.
Then I went to see the lifehouse, Gao wen's friend once said that they're a band for 13 year old girls. I think she made sense. While the songs in No Name Face were great and truly post-grunge, their later songs are just more like high school pop boy bands. And their live was not as good as their CDs, or sonic youth. I think the solo guitar's sound was alwyas a little awkward and din't blend into the entire set. But well, still, it was a good time.
And for you who would be reading this, I miss your jokes. And we'll see what happens after the summer=)

2005-04-17T08:47:00.000-07:00

Fling '05 Log:

Tuesday
6pm - Bought first pack of beers in my life. And it was Miller Light. Recommended by Ding Yu. Later he scolded me and said it's too little. But the beer store is mother far away. Stored in Jerry's fridge.

Thursday
10pm - KA party. Fucking awesome. Kenn Kweder was a muthafucka. He spoke tons of vulgarities and kept flirting with the girls although he's already 60 years old. The Party was really really great, as attested by many who attended. The only thing was that it was a school-registered party so there were people around stopping us from drinking too much or drinking hard liquer. The bar was closed at like 1230. Bleh. I brought the four Chinese friends in for the first time but they had no beer. Sun Boyuan was still very happy though bcoz he got to dance with two attractive ladies. And shirley...shirley...what a big surprise haha.

Friday
9am - Woke up. Had to walk Kelvin to the M&T day. He's a very nice kid. Brilliant, got into both MIT and M&T. Sporty but not jorky. Cool guy. Had to thank him for helping me regain some sort of confidence in terms of communication. Studied for French Oral last-minute.
1045am - French oral, screwed up. Big times(bcoz someone likes this). Almost crushed my confidence of getting an A for French. Oh well, I probably deserve it. But I'm very sad. This is the worst way to start flinging.
11am - Screwed up again. Big times. I failed my mission of helping fundraising for a House charity event which shouldn't be hard at all. The costly lesson learnt: don't do things last minute.
3pm - Tax advising. The old tax advisor was so nice he warmed my heart. Met Yang Meng, she's so skinny now. But she's fun to talk with.
545pm - first fling experience, first live act, sputnicks down. Actually forgot how their music was like.
6pm - Dinner at Beijing.
7pm - Fling Concert!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Amazing, best night ever.
12pm - came home and my room was having a big party. I drank with myself n talked to Danny.

Saturday -
10am - Woke up, talked with Wen.
1230pm - quick brunch in 10 minutes coz i din wanna miss the freaks of the beat show.
1245pm - Missed the freaks of the beat show.
1pm - from then on took pictures with tons of pretty girls haha.
130pm - Pregamed in Jerry's room
140pm - Alex nackman, accoustic, people din like it, another problem with penn students' taste.
2pm - Played carnival games with Jerry and Willy, good times.
230pm - This drexel emo band. I din like it but jerry did. But i still rocked with the music
3pm - Liam and Me. They're like the bravery, a little like the Strokes, and they're a white preppy band from West Philadelphia!!!! I loved their music and took pictures with each of them.
4pm - Singaporean BBQ, met a couple of cute girls.
5pm - Went on stage, Mask and Wig's show, it was unbelievable. 2000 drunk and crazy audience in front of us. Next year I'll be singing. I will.
7pm - Mask and Wig BBQ
8pm - Big surprise. Wen and Danny came down to the bowling alley again. If i weren't drunk at the time I probably wouldn't go since they were hanging out with their homeys. well.....fuck it, actually I'd still go.
12pm - got a call from Qiuwei, she's like so drunk when i saw her, we played beirut and I walked her to her room. Had a nice conversation with her.

This is my fling. but it's not over yet. not yet.

2005-04-15T21:33:00.000-07:00

Alright most of you will have no idea what I'm gonna talk about, but I just spent the best night of my life.
The sonic youth fling concert was a big disappointment for SPEC, because only about 200 people showed up, but was a miracle for me, I knew the concert would be amazing, but I din't expect it to be this good.
The concert kicked off with Cat Power, who's surprisingly stunning and shy. She didn't even speak or talk to us on stage, she just kept playing from song to song without pauses. She switched from guitar to piano in the middle, still never looking at us. Her music is kinda not really fit for such a drunken college crowd waiting to rock out. It's perfect for a dark melancolic bar where you broke up with your first girlfriend, of course that's kinda bullshit, bcoz i don't even know how it feels to break up with a girlfriend. But seriously, her "sadcore dark folk" music is so graceful, sad, introspective, amazingly delicate that you need to sit down in a corner and really sink into the music heart and soul. People were kinda disappointed by her introverted style on stage and were making fun of her. I was like, what the fuck man all you tasteless fuckers.
Then citizen cope came up. He plays really fun music, it's like a mix of reggae, rock and electric. The most interesting thing is the electric keyboard sound that in my memory only appears in death metal, but the effect was pretty good actually. It didn't really have chemical reactions on me until the last song which had a Sting feel and goes like...fuck, I forgot how it goes like. I'd say the only thing left was physical excitement because of the catchy melody, beautiful keyboard loops, exciting riffs and powerful bass. But it didn't touch my soul.
Sonic Youth did. I came to appreciate how post-punk and indie rock can be so mesmerizing. Those gorgeous guitar arrangements and sound fields were simply amazing. Plus the drummer is really good too so you can rock to the music. It is redundant to say how sophisticated, experimental, gorgeous and fascinating their music is. The big surprise is how good their live act is. Man I haven't been to many rock concerts but i had to say it's hard for any other band to top what Sonic Youth has to offer on stage. One little act they always do is like, at the end of a really exciting song, everyone will let down their guitar, pose it in different weird positions and just let the sound field go on, and I had to admit that it was fucking amazing. Jim o'Rourke i guess, the only guitar player that doesn't sing, once used some random object like a drumstick to play his guitar. Lee Ronaldo was an awesome vocal and did his magic with guitar really well. Kim Gordon was one cool, cool woman who was cute when she said on stage "I think a mosquito just bit me". But the most amazing, incredible, unbelievable guy is her husband, Thurston Moore, he was like a big kid on the stage, bouncing around and doing all the "the who" genuine rock and roll moves, and he did all sorts of riduculous things on the stage...like caressing the guitar, jumping around, licking the guitar, doing random crazy solos, in the final scene he went totally crazy, he first flinged the guitar on the ground, on his back, then rubbing it against the speakers, amps, came off the stage to induce the audience into caressing the guitar with him, finally climbed up the side stage(nobody knew how he did it) and stuck the guitar right through the steel post of the stage. I mean, that's beyond music, but doesn't everyone just want to see a rock and roll star like that?
I love them, every artist tonight, I'm really grateful that they gave me such a beautiful night.
Then, I did something which I should give myself credits for. I sneaked into the back stage, it was actually very easy coz nobody actually cared about me and I spotted the drummer of Sonic Youth, Steve Shelley was flirting with Cat Power. So I went up, politely interrupted them and requested to take a picture with'em. It was then when I realized how beautiful Cat Power really is. Too bad dear Ashley didn't work it out coz my battery was dying. Damn!!!!!I want my photo with Cat Power!!!!!!!she's so gorgeous!!!!!!!!I talked to her as well, and she's really really nice and vulnerable. I guess Steve Shelley was trying to encourage her to go on and tell her to go to him anytime she needs help. This bastard, I guess he just wanted to hit on her haha. They talked to me about potential tours in China, turned out that Cat Power only went to Taiwan. And she was telling me how much she liked the budda vegetarian meals in Taiwan. She is just so sweet and vulnerable!!!!!!!!!!I'm obsessed with Cat Power now.
This is getting politically wrong, and for those of you who think I'm probably drunk now, you're wrong.
So I almost managed to take a photo with Cat Power and Steve Shelley(it's just Cat Power, nobody gives a damn to Steve Shelley anyway haha). Two kids from Temple who I met were nice enough to wait for the rest of Sonic Youths to come out. And they all did. The only picture my dying camera caught was the one with Thurston Moore, he was..oh well...not as fun as he is on stage, many people are lik that I guess. But anyway when I tried to take photos with Kim Gordon and Lee Ronalhdo the battery totallly died. Shit man!!!!!But the one I cared the most, is the Cat Power one!!!!!!!Damn!!!!!!!!!!I love her!!!!!!!!!When am I gonna see her again?
Then when I came home. My home was turned into a big party. Oh my god

2005-04-13T21:51:00.000-07:00

Two Posts about Music

I.
Went to STA today to get my ISIC card and met this cool dude called Rick. He got a self-intro kind of card in fron' of him that said: the most interesting place he slept - sidewalk in NYC for Radiohead concert; the most interesting person he's met - Moby; if there's an eighth continent i will name it - Bjorkland. I'm not the kind of person that initiates a conversation in this kinda situation, but this time I was surprised how I just started talking to him. We talked about Sonic Youth, China rock bands. It was such a fun conversation. In the end I realized that after all I do have some passion in this world, and that passion is music.

II.
A philadelphia local label - Koherent - came down to Wynn Commons to give out a free concert. I went, and the music was super good. The beats were awesome, the loop was fun, the lyrics were as good as mine(well almost), but I was surprised to see the pathetic turnout. There were more artists and student coordinators than the audience. I couldn't understand it. I thought everybody on this campus loves hip-hop. Is it true that they only love hip-hop at the parties with booty and booze around? Why can't we just simply enjoy some good music? I hate people who don't genuinely love music. 叶公好龙。 fuck.

2005-04-10T18:20:00.000-07:00

It wasn't long ago when I started thinking about being a greater man.
At the KA meeting tonight, Josh brought up the issue of Sudan genocide. And although as usual I didn't understand half of the issue they discussed, I figured we were talking about how our feelings for Sudan genocide relates to ourselves. Well my mind trailed off, and I thought about when I never thought about doing anything about the Sudan Genocide.
Actually, I never thought about how I can impact the society, make a difference in the community and help the less fortunate and issues like that. I used to think they were empty and more like political propaganda. But deep inside I know they are not. And it actually takes a very noble heart to devote himself to things like that. And I know all the time that it isn't that hard either, I see people around me devoting their time and efforts to community service and petition to help alleviate the Sudan Genocide. And I respect these people. The thought of being one of them just never crossed my mind.
Maybe I'm just not a noble man. I have friends like Zhang Hao, who has such noble hobbies and is so knowledgeable in so many fields that he's always making an impact on his surroundings(and a huge impact on my life). There's Yang Bo who's had such a passion on science he hopes to better the world with his science research.
Comparing myself with them, I feel like I'm nothing. I have sympathy and compassion, but I don't have noble goals. I might have random noble ideas that crossed my mind every now and then, but I just never take solid actions.
So I'm not a noble man, but maybe I can try to be a greater man. It sure takes a lot to be a great man.

2005-04-10T10:56:00.000-07:00

Cherry Blossom Festival.

Peter Ran is a fucking genius. We all love Peter Ran, without him this could not have happened.
I spent a beautiful beautiful day at Washington yesterday with Peter Ran and friends from Bryn Mawr, old friends(well not too old actually) 唐丹尼 and 高雯，new friend 王莹子, alright now that I mention the name, it actually reminds me of some women in the 玄真教, which is funny you understand Chinese and read 金庸。
And why was it so beautiful you ask? Because it was cherry blossom festival in Washington yesterday!!!The cherry flowers were so pretty they were drop-dead gorgeous. We took millions of photographs, some nice, some sweet, some ridiculous, some obscene.

or see the entire album...http://community.webshots.com/scripts/editPhotos.fcgi?action=viewall&albumID=318831274
But, actually you know what, the link is wrong, screwed up, doesn't work. It's only for me I guess so I'm an idiot/loser. If you want to see the whole album, email me and I'll email you back with an invitation. But I'm not telling you what my email is hahahaha. And I'm not taking the link down. Cuz I'm cool like that.

Basically all the wacky and obscene photo ideas are from the girls, and all the good and original ideas are.....well from the girls as well, Danny basically. Why is Danny so pretty and so smart at the same time? It's so unfair to an ugly and dumb loser like me. But Peter and I got some really nice postures and cool facial expressions. We walked around the cherry flower lake(there's definitely a latin or greek name for it but I forgot for christ' sake). Everything was peaceful until wen stepped on a huge dog's tail. Then we sat on the porch of Jefferson Memorial waiting for a missing child for an hour. Watching some hot ladies dancing and being sentimental. I almost let out a fucking big secret which had wen pestering me for the rest of the day. Aftter that, we went onto the white house, on the way to which someone asked me to "hook her up with some marijuana". The white house is so freaking beyond reach so I took some 俗气 photos like a fucking tourist. After some 'filling' hot dogs, the missing child n I decided to exploer the Lincoln Memorial while the three other losers decided to slack. Lincoln Memorial, relection pool, the ducks in the reflection pool and some random place with stone pillars representing the two big oceans and all the US states and pretty fountains were all super cool. It's a loss of those three losers hahahaha.
And then we all went crazy. On the way to the "best restaurant in Washington" - Hawk and Dove - recommended by dear Andrew Hill. We took a picture with every tree we passed by. Gao Wen kept complaining about how 'her face hurts so bad'. Danny and wen started playing dumb games like shadows stepping and scissors paper stone. We took another mocking photo in front a random statue in front of the Capitol Dome and I molested the statue. And then, finally!!! We got to the best restaurant in Washington, where I screwed myself up big times.(details too mentally disturbing to reveal) Haha. And the girls didn't seem to agree that it's the "best restaurant in Washington". So I ended up eating their cajun pork loin.
On the way back the two girls passed out, and peter, danny and I were engaged in a very intelletual conversation. About relationship and stuff.
The sunshine was beautiful. The cherry trees were beautiful. The girls from Bryn Mawr were and will be beautiful. So in conclusion, it was a beautiful day!!!!!!!!

2005-04-08T22:38:00.000-07:00

About Party.

Drink. Drink again. Drink once more. Drink until you get wasted. Flirt. Flirt with random and non-random girls. Dance with them.　Get all over them. Take advantage of them. Get fucked. Get even more fucked. Get rowdy. Be one of the crazy asses roaming on the street at 2am on campus.
This is not the life I wanna lead. But this is American college life dude.
This is not the life I wanna lead. I wanna have a girlfriend who likes me, enjoyes my jokes and tolerates my bad habits. I wanna stick with her, watch movies with her, go to dinners with her, buy a Levi's pair of jeans with her, go to freshgrocer with her, study like fucking nerds at the library with her, walk with her holding hands, talk with her, worry about the future with her, save every penny possible with her, cry with her, love with her, spend the rest of my life with her. And I'm never gonna hit on any other sexy girl at any party. That's the life I wanna lead.
So I stood in the corner, sipping some rum and coke, watching the girls and boys dancing, touching each other, happily drunk faces, about-to-throw-up faces, and I feel sad, not because I couldn't fit in with the big party scene, but because I'm at parties seeing all these ridiculous things happening. I am still alone, still a creep, still a loser.
Oh God, this is not the life I wanna lead. I don't wanna lead a party life.

2005-04-08T11:52:00.000-07:00

看到那个传说中的剥皮的片子，看之前经历了一段心理矛盾，最后还是看了。看了之后长久无语。我从小就是一个热爱动物的孩子，曾经以为我未来的职业就是动物学家了。但我不是一个素食主义者，我想过这个问题，但是最后我觉得人吃动物就跟动物吃动物没什么区别，既然我们都是动物，没什么必要这么虚伪，生存的本能。但是没有动物会把别的动物的批剥来披在自己的身上，尽管有个寓言叫做披着羊皮的狼，没人会把它当真。我们什么时候沦落到了这种地步？我觉得发明皮草大衣的人跟第一个提出用人油做肥皂的人一样，是个他妈的畜牲。那些披着貂皮大衣的女人呢，我不想多置评价，人都是这样，眼不见为净，看不到的事情我何必要为其负责呢？好的，现在人家录像都出来了，并且在网上广为流传，皮草会就此绝迹吗？
不可能。
但愿每个人都能想一想，我们，每个人，不管你脸上挂着多少冷漠和自卫式的世故，都有一颗隐藏得很深的爱心。常常，在这个世界上我们会麻木，但我们需要时不时把爱心叫醒。
又想到，我有一个很好很好的朋友，经常在blog上面提到心疼这两个字，我想，还在心疼的人，一定还对爱，对感情，抱有厚厚的期望。心疼就是心底的感情太满了，溢不出来在心里结成了水晶，扎得心疼。

2005-04-06T14:23:00.000-07:00

闲来无事（五）

当然如你们所有人所料的那样，那个人就是让我有一点动心的麦琪姑娘。生活这东西有时候就像言情小说那样他母亲的俗。
麦琪姑娘的眼神又跟我接触了一次，停留了千分之一秒。如果她智力正常的话应该认得出这个每天在历史课上用蹩脚方法偷看她的变态。AIM同学一向坐我左边，就在从我到麦琪姑娘的直线上，好比我和麦琪姑娘是北斗七星中的两颗，延着我们的连线往北延长五倍就是北极星，也就是AIM同学，他母亲的，一不小心把这厮描绘成了北极星。众所周知，每当AIM同学发言全班同学有一个同时扭头瞪他的动作。这也是这也是我每次借机看麦琪姑娘的良机。但是有一天这厮居然坐在了我的右边，而且发言了，结果我们那边一堆人同时往右一甩头，就我一个人往左。结果第一次看清了麦琪姑娘的正面。她嫣然一笑，她的同伙则发出老牛发春般的恐怖笑声。
照我平时的习惯，这样的大好时机应该立即展开搭讪。但我今天没有，我停在那里，不知道要做什么。麦琪姑娘继续搜寻她要的书，我知道那本书的名字，《古中国，古罗马与古惑仔》。这个天杀的名字就跟我现在的处境一样尴尬。麦琪姑娘突然回过头来对我歉然一笑说，你知道怎么找书吗？
原来你是个智障，连怎么找书都不知道，你还配在这图书馆混吗？这是我第一反应，但我一揣摩，不行，还没熟到那个程度。于是我向麦琪姑娘挤出一个比她同伙更恐怖的微笑说，这这这这这这个很难的，哈哈。
我小时候跟我的老大在江南的道上混，不幸的是我老大是一个结巴，导致我现在也是他母亲的结巴。不严重，但总在最不适宜的场合复发。
麦琪姑娘显然觉得我很滑稽，笑得弯下了腰，说别紧张啊，慢慢来，哈哈哈哈。
她笑得就像一个调皮的小孩子，毫无顾忌，这显然与我印象中一个矜持的女孩相去甚远，让我突然想起了当年乔丹跑去打棒球的滑稽情景。
其实，我们图书馆的检索系统还是很复杂的，每本书配有一个检索号码，长达73位。所以我跟麦琪姑娘一起手忙脚乱地找了半天还是未果。最后麦琪姑娘倩手一指指向书架最高的一排，斩钉截铁地说，肯定就是在那儿，本姑娘的直觉向来没错过。我举头一望，他母亲的，那排书比篮球框还高出一个篮球，虽然我一米八七的大个子，但扣篮的高度还是从来没达到过。于是我说，那成，我去搬把梯子来吧。
不用啦，我有主意。麦琪姑娘笑嘻嘻地看着我说，你蹲下来，我踩在你肩膀上吧。
多年以后我也不知道自己是怎么想的，二话不说同意了这个下策中的下策。多年以后我还记得当年她的样子，我的麦琪姑娘，绑着轻松的马尾，淡绿色的T恤衫，有点褪色的牛仔裤，黄绿色的锐步跑鞋，矫健地跃上我的肩膀的样子。她站在我肩上，我觉得她一点重量都没有。只是她在上面说，哎呀，这儿没有，咱们往右移移吧，我就要小心翼翼地蹲下来，艰苦谨慎地蹲着往右挪动的时候，才感觉她简直重如泰森。
最后书找到啦，但是只有一本。怎么办呢？唯唯诺诺了半天的我突然机灵起来，我说，那不如咱们一起读吧，我今晚可以去你屋。麦琪姑娘瞪了我一眼，我一哆嗦，改口道，要么你今晚也可以来我屋。

2005-04-06T14:03:00.000-07:00

Alright so I was wrong. It is not my spring. It's the girls' spring. You know what I mean when you see them walking on locust walks with the beautiful skirts that they've been waiting to flaunt since last fall. Every girl is beautiful.
Stephan Chow's Kung Fu is going to take over the American cinemas!!!I've no doubt about that, I'm surprised by the nice response my friends told me about Shaolin Soccer, i thought it sucked big times. His best movies are 唐伯虎点秋香，食神 and 大话西游,these are the Stephan Chow classic, Kung Fu is a really good movie that I enjoyed immensely, but it's still different from 唐伯虎点秋香, that was like the best laugh I've ever had watching a movie. Anyway, kung fu shows that he's right back on track. I hated Shaolin soccer so much I have to stress it here again. I think in Shaolin soccer he lost all his sense of humour. Now the American ppl can see how much funnier the Chinese comedians can be. For that, I salute Stephan Chow, coz that's something I haven't been able to do.
Chelsea vs. Bayern Munich, Frank Lampard scored the most amazing goal in the past decade.
And last night, for the first time of my life, I finished a big project two days before the deadline, of course without knowing that the deadline is actually two days later. This is a big feat that I'll never achieve again.
For all of those who haven't listened to Beck's Odelay, GO BUY IT NOW!!!!!!!YOU WILL NEVER REGRET IT!!!!!!!!!THIS IS AS GOOD AS OK COMPUTER!!!!!!!!!!I heard his new album guerre is as good as Odelay, feel like buying it.
Going to Sonic Youth, countdown 9 days. Something better, countdown 11 days.
I've never talked so much bullshit online. Jesus Christ. The cherry blossom turns everyone into a little hyper talkative goblin.

2005-04-05T23:57:00.000-07:00

歌词

压抑不住的幸福感
带着微笑入睡
美丽的梦境
带着微笑醒来
更美丽的生活
浮在空中的我
第一次觉得自己是个英雄
因为我的心在跳舞
我的心喝高了
我的心不在我身边
那么好吧时候已到
一切都来吧
来吧来吧快来吧

2005-04-05T17:10:00.000-07:00

Still can't study. Can't study still. Can't still study. So I'm killing time and writing another poem nobody would probably read.

十六岁的夏天及其他

十六岁的夏天
我和一群傻不拉叽的小孩
经常唱着歌
把自行车骑得疯快
在城市川流的人群中穿梭
挥洒着青春的气息和
汗水

十六岁的夏天
天空很蓝很蓝
偶尔会下场倾盆大雨
整个学校的孩子们
一起哭泣
偶尔会很热很热
小张
会在静止的空气中停下来
神情凝重
我们都曾有这种冲动
在静止的空气中停下来
神情凝重
看着老师同学漂亮的女生们
在我们身边来来往往
觉得抓住了生命的真义

十六岁的夏天
踢球的夏天
小T喜欢的女生喜欢上了别人
我即将远行
我们在河流旁边造船，做饭
晚上看着星星
想起曾经让我们感动的长发
一个个成了浪漫的诗人

十六岁的夏天
我即将顺流而下
远走他乡
我心爱的女孩送给我一枝桃花
岁月于是变得绯红
我们扬着生涩的脸孔
吟诵彼此的名字

十六岁的夏天
人人都在写诗
诗人还是一个美丽的行业
我们面向大海
放声大吼毫无顾忌
把心情放飞
化成天上的朵朵白云

十六岁的夏天
我把头发剃到最短
觉得这样很男人
我将顺流而下
我们已将竹筏做好
在船头盛上沉甸甸的一袋红豆
再给我一个坚定的微笑
我就撑起长篙
一去不回

2005-04-04T21:59:00.000-07:00

can't study can't study can't study can't study can't study can't study can't study can't study can't study can't study can't study can't study can't study can't study can't study can't study can't study can't study can't study can't study can't study can't study can't study can't study can't study can't study can't study can't study

2005-04-04T19:54:00.000-07:00

Still can't study. I'm going crazy.

2005-04-04T19:11:00.000-07:00

Can't Study, his mother's.

2005-04-04T13:02:00.000-07:00

I've said this in Chinese, and now I'm gonna say it again in English, Spring is a beautiful season.
The real way to appreciate a season is feel it from inside. In my past years I've only felt the coming of Spring by the blooming flowers, fresh air and beautiful sunshine. But this year, I feel like that the spring has come down on me. Something soft and strong is growing from my heart and I'm being filled with delight and inspiration. Feel the earth breathing, feel the wind whispering, feel the flowers dancing, feel everything growing. I feel the real spring for the first time.
Everyone says life is beautiful. But once I thought that was a big lie. Look at all the troubles we've had, we worry about our grades, calories intake, pimples, other people's opinions of us, money, friendship, relationship, we miss our parents, the best friends in middle schools, girls we crushed on before, we cry over our sucky life, lack of sense of belonging, loneliness, depression, we always have to deal with so many shits of life. I just wonder how life can still be beautiful.
But now I realize that I can really just look at things in a different light. It's spring and I'm happy. All those worries just seem so trivial. All those sweet little worries are just part of my beautiful life.
When I was really down, when I was almost desperate, hope is the only thing that helped me go on. I knew that one day, I will find my own happiness and I can just cast all my troubles away and embrace my simple and beautiful life. This day is coming now.
Spring has come, and I've got a feeling this is gonna be my spring.

2005-04-02T04:24:00.000-08:00

度过了一段幸福时光。春天真是一个奇妙的季节，当你走在每天都经过的大街上，看到那些未名的花朵开心地绽放在枝头，任谁的心中都是阳光灿烂。
这是阳光灿烂的日子，生活简单的不需要选择。这是一个诗歌重生的季节。我又回到了我心爱的16岁。

2005-03-27T00:12:00.000-08:00

Three (very pretty) girls from Bryn Mawr visited today. Actually I dragged them down bcoz Big Face Cat has been telling me how Bryn Mawr is full of gorgeous girls.
And.
It was one of the happiest days of my life. Wonderful, felt like I'm 16 again.

2005-03-24T23:40:00.000-08:00

闲来无事（四）

这流水似的生活哗啦啦地前进着。有时候我希望时间能凝固在一点上，哪怕一小回儿也好，比如说我跟麦琪姑娘眼神交会的那一刹那。虽然事后脸皮比我们的教科书还厚的D君一再据理力争麦琪姑娘的眼神其实是本要跟他交会的，只不过被我从中拦腰截断。既然光线不能转弯，我也就顺理成章地交会了一回。
也有时候我希望这河流能冰封住。一切都不动啦。我揣摩着这个主意可真不赖，整个世界静止下来。也许这样一来我们可以有很多惊奇的发现。比如casino发烧友D君的静止表情是一副悲天悯人的忧郁沉思状，比如飞利浦教授正在做一个老不正经的鬼脸。但也有可能，这个世界还是如我们预料那样，比如如果这个世界突然静止下来，J君一定还是端坐在电视机屏幕前，M君和小S则一定在图书馆里深情对视。但是，重要的是，每个人都可以停下来，不用担心时针愣头青似地疯转。大家可以左右看看，看看自己。看看最真实的生活。
真实的生活是，我有一份10页的历史paper要交。转眼间就到了截止日期的前一夜。于是我突然想起，也许去借本书来了解了解我即要大放厥词的论题是个不赖的主意。恩格斯说过，nothing gets done without deadlines.
图书馆就是M君和小S的天下。他们霸占图书馆的经历颇负传奇色彩。首先当年他们携手在图书馆找工作时，主管招聘的是一个头顶沙漠化的老头。出于明显的性别歧视，老头把小S分到了轻闲的顶楼，主管亚洲文学，这个地方从来少人问津；把M君分到了最苦的二楼，主管所有英文小说。几天下来两人感到六层楼的距离有如天堑。于是平时看起来傻傻的M君出人意料（估计是小S教他的）地利用反间计把他自己和二楼主管反间了。二楼主管对工作时候见不到身影，一到吃饭时间就立刻出现的M君开始好感下降。一天M君无意地对他提起自己最讨厌去顶楼又高又光线不好长期在那儿工作必定腰肌劳损加青光眼幸亏当年没分到顶楼云云。于是单纯的二楼主管得意洋洋地把M君调到了顶楼去。所以确切的说，图书馆顶楼便是M君和小S的天下。他们在那里占山为王，仗着天高皇帝远，无恶不作。
我今天要借的书正好在顶楼。既是熟人地盘，出于礼节，应该去探访一下东道主。于是我寻遍顶楼四处角落，不见他二人踪影。最后发现两个未穿图书馆工作人员服的身影挤在一张桌子前作用功读书状。我出于义愤欲上前质问。上前一看，他们两人正头挨着头看一部爱情电影。我的正义感一下逃之夭夭。
嘿，我拙劣地模仿肥皂剧情节干咳一声，两位可好。
这两个人同时扭过头来，哎呀郭二你来啦。坐，坐。又把头转了回去。
坐你个头，我心里暗骂着。嘴上却说，你们这小天地够温馨的啊。
他们两个接着看爱情电影，同时忽视我的存在。
一段尴尬的沉默之后，我想起了D君要我帮忙转达的话。嘿，老D的女朋友明天从旧金山飞过来啦，咱们晚上出去搓一顿。
搓一顿？好好好。小S两眼放光冲我眉开眼笑。
我也冲她眉开眼笑，拙劣干咳，我走啦，你们慢慢看。闪人。
走出那狭窄的甬道尽头，我突然意识到，这个图书馆里，这么多一对一对的，就像小S和M君那样，头挨着头，不顾外面的天地的人。这让我情绪一下有点低落。
我磨磨蹭蹭地走向J排，那里有我要的书，《古中国，古罗马与古惑仔》。J排里面站着一个人。

2005-03-14T12:29:00.000-08:00

Many friends read my blog or chit-chat and gossip with me online and tell me in admiration woah Guo Rui you're having the time of your life!!
But you were all wrong my friends, coz Blog and MSN are meant to deceive, meant to glorify life, meant to be a mask of smiley face.
Have I ever been happy since I came to America? Well maybe. Occasionally.
I never felt really 'fit in' back in Singapore, and neither do I here in USA. I don't understand their jokes and I wanna be charismetic as I was in China but I can't. I'm just a funny, nice, friendly and funny China man that's all. And God I hate that. I just wanna be myself again but I am not.
Some people may say look at things in a positive light man don't be so narrow-minded. But I know what really happened. I have been 'lost in translation'. And it's all just part of growing up.
I started to realize that all these sour feelings r not helping me. I can't be stuck in self-pity forever. I need to save my life.
And I just figured out how. I figured out that life is all about striking a balance, to find the mode of lifestyle in which you get the most utilities, what's really good for you and not what people deem good for you.
And I think I've found it. The balance of my life.

2005-03-13T13:53:00.000-08:00

闲来无事（三）
那就是一位美丽的ABC姑娘。她的名字叫做麦琪。ABC就是American Born Chinese,BANANA,香蕉人。
我对绝大多数的ABC抱有天生底敌意，主要是出自于对其父母底敌意，或者对其父母底父母底敌意，依此类推。当年抗日战争就是再艰苦，四人帮就是再猖狂，你咬咬牙跑到雅鲁藏布江畔天山脚下找一个世外桃源捱个数年，或者数十年，不就过来了吗？你看我们现在新中国底形势不是一片大好？每年春节联欢晚会倪萍阿姨笑底多欢？洋人见了我们就皮笑肉不笑底恭维道，啊！China!21世纪是你们底世纪！咱都得靠边站！你说你们肥那么大半天劲飘扬过海到了美国来拼命想把自己整成一个美国人，这件事就跟某位著名恋童癖流行歌手当年拼命想把自己从黑人整成一个白人一样不可思议。
（最近我经常幻想自己是一个很酷底五四青年，所以用很多‘底’字。）
在生活中碰到的ABC们证实了我这毫无根据的敌意，他们一个个都是胶质人士。一个个抱着农民对老鼠的仇恨往死里读书，以小朋友对大白兔奶糖的热情拼命工作。一天到晚就是挂念intership, job, 自己被邀请到了什么business conference，或者就是自己被邀请到了什么business conference, job, internship。看着我们这些刚从大陆出口的新鲜货觉得自己好像挺酷，成天板着个脸故作深沉，到了美国佬那儿又做作的把声音提高八度yo man what's up man take it easy man。看着就让我窝心。
当然，我这番大逆不道之话有很大程度有泄私愤之嫌，所以十分夸大渲染事实。事实证明，一小撮ABC还是很可爱的，特别是一小撮ABC姑娘们，身材无比之好。比美国姑娘们吃麦当劳酝酿出来的茁壮身材强上三点七倍。
但是，我已经离题万里。
话说回来，我跟麦琪姑娘的第一次相遇非常有传奇性的色彩，那就是全校数千人，我们居然选择了同一门课，而且都落到了飞利浦教授的手里，AIM同志的脚下。我是一个天性羞涩之人，哪里有美女就往哪里噌。所以当我第一天踏进阶梯教室看到一个长发飘飘身材姣好之华人女生我立即犹豫片刻坐到了离她一个位置的椅子上。根据我长年的经验，人们选择位置都是有惯性底。
美丽的少女身边总是围着两三个不甚美丽但很会搬弄口舌的少女。我在麦琪姑娘跟其同僚高谈阔论的间隙终于瞥到了一眼她的庐山真面目。
原来她长得很普通，脸上还有灿若繁星的雀斑点点。很多时候，背影是很有迷惑性底。特别是女生的背影，因为无聊的后青春期大龄青年们唯一过剩的只有这一点想象力。
飞利浦教授开始郑重的扯蛋后五分钟，D君一如既往地风风火火闯进教室冲到我身旁，开始大泼苦水。其故事我每天听一遍早已听腻了。整节课我都在走神，因为虽然麦琪姑娘非常非常普通，但我总觉得在我们眼神交会的那一小瞬间，什么东西触动了我。
这就是言情小说的俗套，我要记录我的生活，不得不制造点玄乎。

2005-03-11T23:16:00.001-08:00

Back in Action!!!!
Had a kick-ass tour. Well the tour itself was no fun, we were forever loading in and out all our set, costumes and shit. Also we basically got no time to visit the cities we were in, most of the times we were on a plane or in a bus travelling and drinking and snoring. It was the travel that was the most fun. And this year we travelled to Orlando, Miami. We got a three-day free pass to all the disney world parks for 40 bucks, the original price being 213. Yeah!! And I'd say, although we have to refrain from cursing coz the parks are filled with and meant for kids, and although i got no time to visit all the clubs at the super tempting Pleasure Island and get asses(not that I'd get any asses if I've had time to do so), Orlando was still a blast. Oh my god!!!Those breathtaking rides!!
Alright. Would try to upload my pictures sometime.
And, in fact, I'm still on tour!!!I'm in Cincinnati now!!! So I'll go and drink some more Coors Light and come back in the future. This is for the English readers who for some weird reason can't read Chinese(I feel sad for you), I'll continue my little Chinese fiction next time.
Till then, peace.

2005-03-04T00:52:00.000-08:00

闲来无事（二）

生活有两种状态，其一是液体，什么人物时间地点哗啦啦像流水一样大江东去不复返，什么都不记得；其二是胶体，就是自己跟自己过不去，什么事都特别较真，但特有质感那种。所谓成功人士，基本上过着胶质生活，天天咬牙切齿好像跟谁有仇。但凡后青春大龄青年，全部都是液体生活。
我的历史老师就是一个胶质人士。他讲历史的时候有一种错觉，仿佛自己成了耶稣苏格拉底六祖慧能，在给众生布道。仿佛我们听了古罗马历史之后立刻对人生大彻大悟世界从此变得和平美好似的。我的意思是他老人家特别较真。此人姓飞，名利浦，所以我们都爱称他飞利浦教授，毕竟是赞助过中国足协的，眼光忒差。坐在我跟前的哥们天天上AIM和他女朋友以及女朋友的母亲他的未来高堂聊天，偶尔伸一下手用深沉的语气问一个看似与我们上课内容有关的问题。飞利浦教授每次听到都心花怒放，号召我们所有人向这位AIM同学学习，每每引起公愤。Anyway, 我已经把话题扯远了也。话说飞利浦教授对其终其一生（虽然一生还没完但看来坚持完的可能性占高）心血的历史推崇到了盲目膜拜的地步。他讲到恺撒大帝时做作得把语调升高七度试图让我们从他身上看到恺撒的影子。讲到克利奥配屈拉，对其美貌用嗤之以鼻的语气一笔带过，对其在两个男人之间周旋的我们期待已久的故事也是以嗤之以鼻的语气带过，大讲特讲如何从克利奥配屈拉如何推倒历史螺旋上升论。总之这小老头实在太正经拉。时日一久，我等纷纷在另一个方面上向AIM学习。
D君当年兴致勃勃地与我一起报了这门课，号称将给其人生带来巨变，现在他上课发生巨变。每节历史课他都在家里上网赌博。
但是，飞利浦的课也给我带来了一个不小的惊喜。

2005-02-28T13:53:00.000-08:00

闲来无事（一）

我是一个百无聊赖的人，缺乏动力作任何事情。或者委婉地说，我现在处在人生的一个百无聊赖期。俗称后青春大龄时代。
据我观察，跟我一样处在后青春大龄时代的人决不算少。屈指数来，我身边的几个狐朋狗友全部是后青春大龄。有J君，此人自称是个上进青年，但其实只有在看肥皂剧时上劲。什么sex and the city, OC, The Real World, 还珠格格，还珠格格二，还珠格格三，流星花园，流星花园二，等等。一转眼间，我已经迈出国门了漫长的一年零六个月，对国内电视剧的印象仅限于还珠和流星。所以任凭J君对我唾沫横飞地猛侃，我也只记住了这两部。此君被称为活电视时刻表，英文alive TV schedule。所以很受雀斑女生及L'Oreal女生?眼影女生们（我眼中美国女生之大致分类）欢迎，见了他就故作兴奋的大叫：Jacky jacky, what's on ESPN tonight at 1038?当然ESPN是我自己加的，因为我只知道这么一个频道。
当然还有D君。此人对人生也是抱着让我颇为欣赏的百无聊赖之态度。唯一让其兴奋的是赌博。此君来美国之后以迅猛之势热爱上了Casino。我们学校位处美国西海岸，靠近芳名远扬的Las Vegas，近到了骑自行车过去只要7个小时余的境界。上次我们放假七天，据说此君去了Las Vegas八次。多出来的一次是因为冲到那边发现信用卡忘带了便又冲了回来，又冲了过去。此君对赌博之道相当敬业，屡屡头头是道的给我们分析各种听不懂之概率论。号称MIT那几个brought down the house的人是他哥们。但据可靠消息，D君之理论在实践中遇到了一点小分歧，目前属于革命尚未成功之阶段。
此外还有M君与小S。此两人成天失魂落魄地一起在library里面流离失所。小S简称他们是在学习。而M君则憨厚地狡辩说他们在拍拖。至于内幕，经过J君，D君以及我君也就是我多次调查之后早已一清二楚，只不过不便透露。
这就是我的生活圈子。总的来说，美国人应该比中国人更百无聊赖一点。But,我们这一班人就是这么百无聊赖。并且为身为后青春大龄青年而深感自豪。

待续，本小说纯属虚构，如有雷同，实属巧合。

2005-02-25T22:42:00.000-08:00

Pledge's been getting more and more fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Today we got this scavenger hunt thing where we're supposed to go to strip clubs, hooter clubs, gay clubs, prostitution place and sororities and take pictures of girls kissing each other and making out with them etc....
But!!! Fuck!!!!I had to go to Mask and Wig show and missed out on all the actions!!
Tomorrow night!! We're throwing a Hotel Party!!!The theme is Hotel California!!!!And we got a margherita machine!!So everybody come to our party!

2005-02-21T12:49:00.000-08:00

I don't know what makes me happy,
but when it comes it's always plain to see.

2005-02-21T12:34:00.000-08:00

I need to know the rule of the game.

2005-02-17T22:51:00.000-08:00

午夜失眠的刺猬

黑夜降临
该是沉睡的时候
我却看着你失落的双眼
困惑地从镜子里照向我

这拥挤的世界
一万次从繁华的街道走过
一万次品味喧闹的孤独
一万次的微笑，寒暄，沉吟
一万次的在你身影中沦陷

涂着香奈尔挎着Gucci的女人们
在夜里来回穿梭
与披着阿马尼的男人们
互相眼神交会
发散诱惑的气息
这亘古不变的游戏
让暧昧和暗示在这午夜弥漫

在人群交织的声场里
你蜷缩成一只别扭的刺猬
滚向下一个迫在眉睫的春天
的刺猬
自闭的刺猬
无奈的刺猬

2005-02-16T17:07:00.000-08:00

My maths professor is crazy. His homework always takes as long as fucking 5 hours. And I always happen to do them on the last day...Worse still, thursday is always my busiest day filled with readings, homework due, french quiz, potential midterms and whatnot...No need to live liao.
I'm so good at killing time.
And suddenly I feel like time is good at killing me too. The infinite time of void without a purpose of life is slowly killing me.
I need to get rid of all these. ASAP.

2005-02-15T21:35:00.000-08:00

我有一大毛病，
做事比较任性，
不到半夜三点，
功课绝不搞定。

2005-02-13T23:54:00.000-08:00

情人节的前夜，我跟一个冰雪聪明，活泼可爱的日本女孩子坐在小饭店里谈论中日问题。不知道是不是我们两个对赖以交流的媒体英语都不太灵光，我对她特别有一见如故的感觉。
我不是个特别磊落的汉子，跟日本的朋友谈战争总是欲说还休。但这个女孩子让我一点没有顾忌。她总是低下头去吃吃地笑，很容易让人感染。她很认真地告诉我说他们并没有意识到中国一直认为有对钓鱼岛的主权，日本的媒体宣传得让他们以为中国是一直在挑衅。她也很认真地告诉我，对于靖国神社，日本的年轻人并不是支持小泉的所作所为，更多的是不爽中国来”干预“他们的内政。她又很认真地告诉我，日本教科书里面并不把战争叫做“侵略”（只有一本教科书这么写），而是叫做“扩张”，她认为这是不对的。
我们谈了那么多那么多politics，但其实都不是那么重要。我看着她的时候突然想到：如果，只是如果，一切都有可能，那该多好啊。
情人节的前夜，我跟一个冰雪聪明的日本女孩坐在小饭店里谈政治，心里充满了柔情。

2005-02-13T23:42:00.000-08:00

弦绷得太紧了，一松开松成一大片，收也收不回来。

2005-02-12T20:47:00.000-08:00

Some of the questions the kids at Penn Alexander School asked us when we performed there:
-Do you like being funny?
-What are your habits?
-How do you guys keep from laughing when you do the funny comedy?
-Why is that guy not wearing a suit?(we're supposed to be suits whenever we performed such floor shows but one of just just forgot to and wore a black jacket, but this very cute little girl spotted it)
Kids, kids, they're so cute, they're the reason I sometimes love community services.

2005-02-10T20:19:00.000-08:00

五

你不想去回忆那些往事了，毕竟都已经过去了。但你却想拼命克制心中的隐痛，因为总理已经来了。
远远地你望见总理笑吟吟的面容，他正挥手向群众致意。人群中走出一个七八岁的小女孩，一蹦一跳地向总理鲜花。总理笑得十分开心，他接过了花然后把小女孩抱过头顶，小女孩也正咧着嘴笑着。远远得你听不到他们的笑声，但你想，他们笑得那样清澈。两张笑脸在你脑中叠在了一起。
总理正站在开旷的草坪上，最佳的狙击角度，直觉告诉你，应该提枪了。你把枪端在肩上开始瞄准，广阔的广场一片阳光灿烂。你犹豫了，你强烈地在头脑中扼杀开枪的指令。何必要杀小女孩嘛，你这样犹豫地想着，多杀一个人或许对我们没有好处。模模糊糊地你想起了那位已逝的战友的声音：“那些可爱的鱼啊。”他说。
算了，反正刺杀的机会有的是。你按下了枪。
总理坐在游览车上开始对广场的巡礼。你再次举起了枪，你开始瞄准，这一次你的动作干净而利索，总理在不断的招手致意，他的脑袋在瞄准器中来回晃悠。就在这个时候一个熟悉的身影也出现在瞄准器中，一个高大清癯的官员正在亲切地和总理说笑。
突然之间你的大脑一片空白，广场的广播正欢快地念着：“总理和副总理这次拨冗参加广场的巡礼……”
小时候，领袖告诉过你：“一颗子弹上了膛，就只有一条路，射出去。”
组织告诉你：“不管遇到什么样的突发情况，刺杀按照原计划进行。”
你觉得胸口不住地发痛，你的眼前升起了一片浓重的黑暗，你不知道自己身处何方，你突然忘了如何去扣动扳机。
你又想起那位战友的话，我们就像子弹。他说。
枪声响起。
你颓然地放下了枪，冰冷的枪管开始滚烫起来。你觉得黑暗降临了，你觉得你一直期盼的归宿终于来了。窗外一片喧闹，有人在高声叫嚷：“副总理中弹了！”潮水一样的警卫即将向这座房子涌来。
你沉默地坐在地上。你不知道是刻意的，还是瞄准的时候突然歪了，反正你一枪打死了领袖。
一颗子弹上了膛，就只有射出去。

2005-02-09T13:05:00.000-08:00

四
你感觉到内心深处正澎湃着不可抑制的隐痛。这种感觉你不陌生，而且如此真切。
有一天你被命令，就像往常任何一道平常的命令，去刺杀一个人。你以前的战友，多次和你共同执行重大的任务的同行。在组织所有的杀手里，你或许只认识他一个人，你一向信赖他，但现在组织命令你去刺杀他，理由是他背叛了组织。你没有一点点的惊疑，你沉稳地接受了这个命令，组织一向欣赏你的沉稳。
但是你从来都不会想到，他会自己找上你。那天他找到你，他站在你面前望着你。他凄楚地一笑说：“听说领袖派你来杀我？”
你面无表情地告诉他是的。你想不到会有这样奇异的对话，也许他也想不到。
他勉强地笑了笑在你面前拣了个地方坐下了，他眼睛不望着你而望向远方，他徐徐地说：“你知不知道，其实我只是不想干了，我只想拥有不同的生活，如此而已，组织就要你来杀我？你不觉得可悲吗？我们连放弃的选择都没有。”
你沉默，你没有任何反应。
他淡淡一笑，又像是问你又像是自问：“你知道领袖眼里我们是什么吗？”
你依然沉默，你没有任何反应。
他又开始了自己的叙述：“小时候我在家乡看见过渔夫捕鱼，你知道吗？渔夫有个很方便的方法，他们养鸬鹚。你知道那种鸟吗？最下面有个大大的袋子，用来装鱼。渔夫在它们的脖子上套上环子，然后赶它们下水。鸬鹚下去拼命地捕鱼，拼命地捕鱼，你看到过吗？那些可爱的鱼，那些愚蠢的鸬鹚，它们咬住鱼却吃不下去，它们根本就不知道为什么要捉那些鱼。渔夫让它们上船，从它们嘴里取出鱼，这些鸬鹚就安静了。它们安安静静地等待下一次捕鱼，安安静静，它们根本不知道捕鱼的理由。”他停顿了一下，作了点呼吸的调整，望着远方问你：“我们不就是鸬鹚吗？”
你还是沉默。
他的语气掩饰不住悲凉：“你可曾考虑过作为一个杀手的意义？你可曾考虑过你每次杀这个杀那个是为了什么？??我们就像子弹，被别人装进枪膛，等着被射出去，没有其他选择。不是吗？”
你还是沉默。
他突然把身子转向你说：“我明白我逃不到哪儿去，如果真该你来让我解脱的话，你开枪吧。你放心，是我让你开的，你不开的话，你也逃不了。我??只是希望把这些话告诉你，告诉你，就可以了。”
你沉默地望着他，你看见他的眼睛像夜晚的大海一样漆黑漆黑，你感到不知所措。你感到呼吸开始失控，打翻了的海水在你心中沸腾，你感到内心深处澎湃着不可抑制的隐痛。你不知道该不该举枪。

2005-02-08T13:23:00.000-08:00

三
从昨天黄昏潜入这座大楼，你约莫着估计已经保持在这个位置十个多小时了，而现在离天亮也只不过是弹指一瞬间的事。你摸了摸冰冷的枪管，枪管可以永远保持冰冷，就像你的心一样。只不过你的心从那天晚上以后就开始不是永远冰冷了，有时候你会感觉到从心底传来的急促的呼吸声，让你神思恍惚。
而现在你至少还知道保持绝对冷静。在这种至关重要的时刻，一刻的急躁就会导致满盘皆输。这个刺杀的计划已经经过周密的计算，现在每一步必须像弹道那样精密地进行，这是杀手的基本守则。
这是个大计划，你就是计划实行中最关键的一颗棋子，或者说一个执行者，如果你愿意的话。但你不知道这两者之间存在着什么区别，杀手的天职是当一颗尽职尽责的棋子而从不问为什么，这是你一直持有的思想。这个夜晚长得有点不寻常，有一刻你甚至希望永远都在这种黑夜中度过了，然而黎明总是要来，你想起了自己的任务，努力眺望着远方，黑暗正在褪色。
组织头上交代，到时候不管看见什么突发情况，一概不论，原计划照样执行。
你又抚摸着冰冷的枪管，枪声即将响起，那一刻刺杀总理的计划就真正完成了。你有点激动，因为毕竟一项大事业就要在你手里完成了。当你这么想着的时候，你镇定了下来。你也拥有你的事业，虽然你没有证件，没有身份，但你总算拥有自己的一份事业。
更何况的是，这次的组织还对你表示了充分的信任。特地选拔了经验丰富见多识广的你担任刺杀总理这一天大的重任。组织告诉你：“不管遇到什么样的突发情况，刺杀按照原计划进行。”这表示了铁一样的信心，坚定的信心，坚硬的信心。
所以你已经在这座废弃的大楼里潜伏了一夜，这一夜并不容易。第二天总理要来新落成的广场巡游，警卫早已封锁了所有的出入口，而你却驾轻就熟地混进这座不起眼的大楼。你知道这座大楼拥有着最佳的狙击视野，你计算了每一个总理必经的位置，你知道自己有十足的把握一举刺杀总理，也有十足的把握在刺杀之后全身而退。
黎明的第一道曙光已经穿透了天际的黑霭照射到你的面前，亮晃晃得十分刺眼。就在这个时候你的心没来由地痛。

2005-02-07T06:02:00.000-08:00

二
这种黑色让你想起了小时候孤苦无依的日子，就像电影中无数主角一样，你戏剧性地成为了一个孤儿。有一天，你想那天会不会阳光灿烂也像电影里的一样，一个高大清癯的身影来把你接走了。他把你带到一个地方，在那里也有身世和你一样的小伙伴，只是不像孤儿院，那里没有女孩子。三三两两的男孩子，眼神中流露出疑惑的火焰来，起码你的童年不孤单。高大清癯的人是个不苟言笑的人，但是他会提供精制的伙食。
改变命运的一天来到了，有一天高大清癯的男人把你叫了出去（只有你被叫了出去），递给你一把手枪。你那时候还不知道什么叫做枪，只是似懂非懂地把那个东西握在手里。高大的男人冷峻地对你说道：“开一枪给我看。”
你怔怔地望着他没有说话。
高个子的男人告诉你：“用双手扣扳机，枪口朝着远方，不管哪里。开一枪给我看。”他用了命令式的语气，你突然感到一阵透心的寒冷。你不知道什么是扳机，更不知道怎么开枪。但是你突然涌起一股冲动，举起枪将黑洞洞的枪口举向远方，你用了两只手去扣那个扳机，可是扣不动。你使上了吃奶的力气。
突然一声巨响，就像一个雷在你身边骤然爆炸了！来不及反应来不及预防，你的所有魂都被震飞了。一股巨大的冲力震得你向后一个踉跄，你不知道发生了什么事，但你隐约地感觉到，你开枪了。
你看着高大的男人，他冷冷地看着你，沉默了半晌他说：“好。”
你立即被他带到贝贝面前，贝贝是一只狗，看你住的那房子的。平时所有的孩子都和贝贝特别好，常在一起打滚的。而现在那个高大的男人指着贝贝说：“开枪打它。”你不肯，你还以为他在开玩笑。但那个高大的男人死死地盯住你，他的眸子漆黑漆黑，你看不到一丝安详的色彩。你感到全身发冷，继而开始发抖，你突然强烈地恐惧起来，你第一次认识到有些命令是不允许违抗的。你的幼小的心在颤栗，你在很久很久后下了一个残酷的抉择。
你感到全身都失去了站立的力量，你看着那个男人，那个高大的男人死死地看住你，沉默了半晌后说；“很好。”
从此以后你接受了你的宿命。从此以后你就成为了一个终日与枪为伴的人。有时候那个高大的男人陪你训练，有时候其他人。你也被命令要称呼那个高大的男人为“领袖”。
有一天领袖在看你练枪的时候走过来用一贯的冷冰冰的语调说了一句话：“一颗子弹上了膛以后，只有一条路可走，射出去。”你看了领袖一眼，领袖的冷冽的双眼依旧是漆黑漆黑，望不见底。
你被告知了你的身份，你是一个杀手。

2005-02-05T22:19:00.000-08:00

以前写过的一篇东西，现在贴出来哗众取宠。

枪声响起

一
你的汗珠是黑的。你的眼神凝滞在远方一段枯黑的树枝上，你呆呆地望了很久，你不知道自己在沉思些什么，你甚至不知道自己是不是还有沉思的能力，或者权利。黑夜像一袭宽大柔滑的绸缎，温柔地包裹住了你。你陡然生起一种感觉，觉得自己是一只只适合在黑夜孤独地飞翔的鸟，黑夜就是你最终的归宿，无边无际，温暖而包容。这种感觉你总觉得如此熟悉，而又如此陌生。你的汗珠一滴一滴地往下流淌，就像你内心一直像紧紧握住的那种东西，正在一滴一滴地离你而去。你的汗珠，是黑的。
你已经在这里等了很久，静静地守候。这种长期训练练就的素质对你而言驾轻就熟，但是你常常疑惑，这种静静守候猎物的耐性，到底带给你什么呢？你就像一个猎人，要成功地捕获自己的猎物就要先历经长期的潜伏。但你的猎物究竟是什么呢？有时候有一个杂念就像灰尘一样从你心头闪过，你是不是捕获了自己呢？
夜仍然一样漆黑，你猜测现在应该是黎明了，但四周仍然是伸手不见五指的漆黑，这种黑色让你想起过去的岁月，毕竟岁月这个词对你来说也成了一种待遇。黑夜仍然包裹着你，黎明会来到。
黎明会来到吗？

2005-02-05T06:27:00.000-08:00

American kids -
Get drunk at all parties. Frat, Club, Bar, Drag, Super Bowl, pizza, housewarming, christmas, president's house...
When wasted do all dumb things. Beyond imagination.
Have sex on their mind all the time. Girls and guys alike. Like the idea of hooking up. See nothing wrong with hooking up with a cute guy(gal) even when they're attached to someone else.
Like to dress up in a suggestive way(esp girls). Like to make sexual inuendos in the conversation.
Smoke weed at times and see nothing wrong with it.

That's why I love them.

2005-02-05T06:25:00.000-08:00

Watched NBA. 76ers vs. Rockets. Yao Ming didn't even bother to play.
Iverson was phenomonal. He's my hero now.
How to spell phenomonal by the way..

2005-02-05T06:17:00.000-08:00

Some experiences with hair dying...
TO all asians with our black hair, if you wanna go for a fancy color, any color really coz black is not a dye-friendly color, you have to bleach your hair first. The hair bleach is this smelly powder you mix with water and smudge onto your hair. Leave it for half an hour at least. A shower hat usually speeds up the process. Rinse it thoroughly. Then apply whatever color you want to. Leave it for another 45 minutes. Rinse it. The tip is always the trickiest part so you have to pay extra attention.
To rinse from whatever fancy color to black, buy a $4.29 hair color(look out for colorsilk, the cheapest I can find in CVS), and do it yourself. It's easy as hell. But very troublesome.
Always wrap some crap around yourself. The biggest mistake I've made this year. Now my sweatpants look like some hip-hop graffiti.

2005-02-03T21:17:00.000-08:00

got a TV and life has changed.
TV is the biggest invention ever.

2005-02-01T10:12:00.000-08:00

Liu Yu, my smart, nice, upright, motivated and hard-working roommate who sticks to his own principles, when commenting on ABCs, said:
They are always trying too hard to be cool.
Exactly!
It's not only ABCs, it's happenning to a lot of us I think. Why are we trying so hard to be cool? Who defines what's cool? Is wearing branded clothes, going to posh restaurant and hooking up with your eyecandies cool? Trying to be cool is very uncool indeed.
If you're cool, you don't need to try to be cool.

2005-01-30T21:05:00.000-08:00

Dyed my hair Pink.
Realized how hard it is to be always on top of things. Because I will always fall asleep.
Had my first pledge meeting at KA, it was actually very fun.
Had my first pledge ritual at KA. It was very cool. Had a big brother.
Had first crosstalk meeting. Fruitful. Gaining back my confidence now.
Ate Indian food. It was delicious. But nothing like the Indian food I had back in Singapore. Americans have changed every food.
Grew my confidence. Felt I could have everything under control. I've never done it before but maybe it could happen.
Became more desperate for love. Each and every day.

2005-01-29T13:56:00.000-08:00

我这人最大优点：善良。
第二大优点：真实。

我这人最大缺点：不严谨不踏实，虎头蛇尾，一知半解。
我这人第二大缺点：只有那两个优点，其他全部都是缺点。

2005-01-28T22:53:00.000-08:00

Tonight was Mask n Wig's mixer with the arts house hot dancers.
And tonight was the first time I danced with girls.
It came unexpected as this girl(all the girls were pretty drunk before they came to the show) came to me and asked me "would you like to dance?" I was like, wow.
But she didn't like my moves and soon lost interest in me. Hahahaha guess it's the price you have to pay.
Slowly I became bolder and bolder, inspired by Josh Head and Reg Tigerman, I started to approach girls and danced with them. And like Kian Leong said, those girls want guys man, you can tell from the way they dance with you... which I shall not elaborate here. But it was definitely worth the experience. Haha.
There was this girl, who I think was a stunner. Despite looking innocent and cute, she surprisingly has a deep voice and turned out to be the craziest girl of the night. Well she smokes too. I don't know man, although she's doing those bad things, she still looks most attractive. Guess I have a thing for bad girls. But bad girls don't give a shit about me. This world is totally weird man.
After a while I didn't feel dancing girl was that fun anymore. I think it's just because I'm a conservative guy who feels awkward dancing with random girls. although it's definitely more fun than if you dance along like a loser.
What an experience man. I don't think I'll like it in the future, but it was an unforgettable night, guess it's my real first step into parties. At least I gained experience liao..hahahaha.
Peace out.

2005-01-28T15:20:00.000-08:00

Went to Kofi's place today. Kofi is a cool kid from Ghana. I mean, he's from Ghana, isn't that so damned cool? Come on man he's from Ghana? How many kids from Ghana have you ever met? How many kids from Africa have you ever met?
Okay i got off the track. Anyway I went to his place and he showed me how he uses FL Studio to make beats, in fact, to make hip-hop music. It's in a lot of way like those movie maker, you just compile the tracks altogether, but the effect is amazing! It blew my mind off! I think if making music is so easy, I'd like to give it a try too man. Maybe someday im'a become a nigga rappa man.
He also explains to me how rap is different from hip-hop. He explained to me how true gangsta rap or street rap is deep and profound and how so many genius rappers nowadays are going commercial. Wow, now I started to appreciate rap music a lot more. I mean, it's not just a black culture thing. It's not just some pop fad. Any music that has so many cult followers must be very profound.
I'm gonna dig into the music man, I used to see them as gangsters who's good at talking. Snoop Dogg Daddy, Tupac, Nas, Twista...it should be amazing.

2005-01-27T22:05:00.000-08:00

在网上看到我近期最喜欢的乐队，Yo La Tengo, 的评论。说他们低调唯美的音乐是“沉静而痛苦”。
每个对世界还存有浪漫的幻想的人都是这样，沉静而痛苦。

2005-01-27T22:04:00.000-08:00

The whole world seems to be troubled by love now.
It's a world of love.
Love someone or be loved. It's a shame to be alone.

2005-01-27T21:52:00.000-08:00

I was engaged in this very intriguing conversation with two of my catholic friends. First they talked about premarital sex -
Catholic A: it's just wrong man, fuck it nobody should have premarital sex.
Catholic B: I spoke to a pastor(or father, or whatever name appropriate) in this church and he was telling me that the Bible was written when people get married at the age of 13 or 14, and now we get married at 30 or 40. You gotta do something in between to release yourself you know. It's not wrong to have premarital sex as long as you love the person. Rui, what you say?
Me: Er...i don't care, sex is always good. The more sex the marrier!!!
Then they move on to argue about whether love is by choice.
Catholic A: Love is definitely by choice. You choose to love somebody because you know you love her.
Catholic B: No you're so wrong! Love is definitely not by choice. It's not determined by you. You can't decide who you love. You might not want to fall in love with somebody, but you WILL still fall in love with her. Rui, what you say?
Me(this time choosing not to be an asshole again): Hmm, man, I don't really know. If I love this girl who doesn't like me at all, does that mean love is not by choice?
That's a good question to ponder over my friends. If you're in love with somebody or has been in love or don't have any fucking idea what love is but is desperate searching for it, think about it, can we choose love?

2005-01-24T20:38:00.000-08:00

Yo La Tengo 真他妈的好听！！！！！！现在郑重修改我的all time favourite Top 5 为
1. Nirvana
2. Radiohead
3. Guns N' Roses
4. Yo La Tengo
5. Pavement

2005-01-24T19:36:00.000-08:00

我记得上一次告别
你匆匆钻进火车的身影
我的头发乱得像我的心情
我想起你在我面前神秘莫测的微笑
你闪烁的眼神
像那些温暖细小的跳动回忆
那个冬天
和那些碎落满天的白雪
模糊得就像爱情

我只是一个偶尔忧郁的少年
在生命中最柔软的季节
邂逅了一场最美丽的错误
我只是一个幼稚的诗人
一把温柔的木吉他
一段天真的时光
一座封闭已久的城池

我看着你的时候总是
不由自主的微笑
我看着你和他的时候
心里就开始潮湿
我看着你的时候
总是
不知道从何处开口
我看着你的时候
感觉一切时间都在凝结
我看着你笑的时候
仿佛看着一条小溪
清澈而遥远

那个冬天
雪花飞舞的冬天
青春的呼吸在悄悄改变
每个少年都是这样
经历过甜蜜的忧伤
急着为自己流浪的心
找一个落脚的客栈

下一次花开是什么时候
下一次心动是什么年头
风过叶落
幸福就这样没了消息
我又回到了宁静的故乡
依旧一个人唱着
没人听过的歌曲

2005-01-24T18:56:00.001-08:00

This is gonna make my blog low-class and stupid but -
In the Marketing 101 class today, I met two of the most gorgeous girls I've ever seen in my life. Breath-takingly hot.
Well I was thinking of dropping the class. But now, I'm already changing my mind.

2005-01-23T06:56:00.000-08:00

I guess I've made quite a few wrong decisions in my life.
That's because I always hadn't gotten enough advice on it before. I heard from one guy that this is good, you should do that, and then I'll be like, okay it's settled.
That's where all the wrong choices begin.
Lesson to be learnt, when you need to make an important decision, make sure you get a lot of advice on it.

2005-01-23T05:55:00.000-08:00

Looking back at my very first semester of college, I'd say it is an unforgettable one. Maybe not as unforgettable as I'd thought it'd be, but I like the way it was. I felt more real a person. I might have pursued a different lifestyle, maybe a more high-strung and active one. Somehow I've come to known myself more and realized what I really want through the years. I've started to hate ingratiating myself at social events. I know it doesn't matter to me that much how many acquaintances I have, but how many FRIENDS. Not a very good mentality for a future business man haha.
Things I can't forget from Fall 2004 -
*Joining Mask and Wig and getting to know a bunch of very cool American kids. Dressing up as women and getting notorious by posting the photos on the facebook. Doing hilarious sketch comedies which make no sense, which I like. I've gotten a peek into American college life, had some crazy memories such as the bus trip to Princeton game. Became a rock star(for the first time in my life actually) at the Kick-off Bash party.
*Having the first business class of my life, Management 100. Didn't like it and thought most of the stuff we did was a waste of time. But got to know a few really nice kids. Met this amazing Jewish girl. She was the first girl who hugged me for greeting. It almost felt like my first kiss, haha.
* Having the first Econ, French and JAVA classes. Liked them all.
*Trip to Yale and met YuTing. My first travel in US was all on my own. It was very fun exploring the transportation systems in US. They are certainly confusing.
*Knowing CUUSers!!!!!!It rocked my life!!! I can't forget the Thanksgiving break and the winter break!!!!
*Being in Claudio's Econ recitation. He's an amazing TA hard to level with.
*Taking writing class on films on American politics. Got to watch some classic films. I love American History X. Knew a bit more about the U.S. now. Certainly not enough but it was a good start. I slept too much in the class. Felt sorry for the professor. Got to know Auburn(don't know how to spell) and Clara through the class, very cool kids.
*Joining Queer 101 preceptorial. It was a fantastic experience! I should join preceptorial every year! Got to learn a lot more about the LGBT community.
*Living with an American kid and an American Chinese kid. Both of them are crazy about NBA. One of them(the american kid) is crazy about anything, football, the daily show, the simpsons. Haven't gotten much time to watch much of those shit with him yet but I will.

I'm looking forward to Spring 2005. It will be a splendid one.